Expert Answers: Job beckons, but mother won’t help

I am going back to work after being a stay-at-home mother for seven years. I’ve got a really good job lined up, so I asked my mother if she could collect the children from school a couple of times a week. But I got a long lecture about a mother’s place being at home and no help.

CHILDREN with a happy mother are more likely to be happy and well adjusted.

At six and four your children won’t suffer from someone reputable looking after them for a few hours.

As long as they know how to contact you and understand that when you are not working, you will be around for them then they are unlikely to worry.

You need to tackle the ill-feeling between you and your mother before it becomes entrenched. Do you have any idea why she might hold such extreme views – could she, perhaps, be jealous?

You say she claims to be bored so perhaps she resents the fact that you have a busier, more fulfilled life than she does?

Perhaps she never had the opportunity or ambition to do all the things you do?

Try having another chat with her and let her know how much this means to you and how much you would welcome her support.

You may not change her mind but at least you will have done all you can to smooth the matter over.

To find a suitable childminder ask around locally but do also check out the National Childminding Association website (www.ncma.org.uk ).

There is plenty of advice on how to choose and the questions to ask but once you’ve checked the childminder is registered make sure your children like being with them and enjoy your new-found career.

Five things you need to know about childminding and the National Childminding Association (NCMA).

1. Working parents need to know that their children are being well looked after if they are going to be able to relax and work effectively.

2. Using a childminder is a great option for a working parent as numbers are small, the care is local and hours can be flexible.

3. Anyone who is paid to care for children aged from birth to seven must be registered and have had basic training in things such as first aid.

4. By being a member of the NCMA, a childminder is showing their commitment to professionalism. Also you know they have back-up and proper support.

5. Many childminders willingly continue to support children they’ve looked after, some even up to secondary school age.

• The website www.ncma.org.uk is a good place to start whether you want a childminder or are thinking about becoming one. NCMA’s helpline offers advice on a wide range of issues related to home-based childcare. Call 0845 880 0044.

Paul Charlson

GP from Brough