One of the few things that keeps us sane during the credit crunch – do you know how depressing it is writing about recession, profit warnings and stock market slumps? – is www.thedailymash.co.uk

This fabulous spoof newspaper is guaranteed to bring a smile even to the most jaded of faces.

Try this: Does Alistair Darling have what it takes to run 17 banks
at once?

Chancellor Alistair Darling was said to be nervous and excited last
night after being told he would have to run 17 banks at the same time.

Mr Darling, who has no previous experience of running a bank, has opened a new Word file on his computer and has already typed some headings in block capitals.


The Chancellor said: "Barclays – now that's quite a big one, isn't it? Right, so that'll probably need all of Monday.

"Nationwide I can do Tuesday mornings. I'll split Wednesday between Lloyds and Abbey. HBOS is ****** so that'll need all day Thursday, and I can do the rest on Friday. Should be finished by half-four."

He added: "Worst comes to worst, I can always take RBS home with me
and fiddle about with it in the garage."

City analyst Julian Cook said: "I believe British banking is about to enter an exciting new era of dreadful speeches, lost CDs and changing its mind every 20 minutes."

Tales from the East

The following story is shamelessly cut'n'pasted from an email circular.

It reports that in the last seven days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of
its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today, shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but remains in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Building Society where it is feared staff may get a
raw deal.

Sorry.

The short-arm mob

The Yorkshire Monetary Policy Committee, made up of the great economic minds of this region, has held six meetings so far.

On each occasion, members have successfully predicted each of the decisions of the real MPC, headed by Mervyn King and his merry
band.

Introducing Mr King at the Leeds dinner last week, Terry Hodgkinson, chairman of Yorkshire Forward, told the audience of 1,000 how incredibly proud he was that the Yorkshire economic policy of "short arms and deep pockets is an integral part of
national policy".

The fast way to work

Which high-end manufacturer has a novel way of beating the traffic jams on the way into work?

When he rises in the morning, he looks out of his well-appointed home to see how bad the road looks and, if it's jammed, the car goes back into the garage.

Out comes the helicopter and in he jumps to take the fast way to work – soaring hundreds of feet above the car-bound commuters trapped in
the congestion.

If you have a story for the Business Diary, email: bernard.ginns@ypn.co.uk