My son, Jack, plays in goal for an under-sevens team in Barnsley. Those who worry about modern parents rearing a generation of couch potatoes welded to the games console should come and see Jack and his team running about on a Sunday morning. They charge up and down the pitch for an hour and have to be dragged off at the end. Their sheer enthusiasm and spirit makes up for all this season's Barnsley FC matches. They play to win, every time, and nothing, including that FA ruling, is going to make them do it differently.

When the FA outlawed competitive matches, forbade the recording of scores, awarding of league places, and the reporting of matches in the press, it did so to prevent competitive football getting in the way of developing ball skills and technique in the youngest players. It claims to have solicited the opinion of 20,000 people involved with the grass-roots game before making its decision.

Well, I'd like to have heard what the kids said. Because from what I've seen of junior football at team level, it's the kids themselves who relish the competition. And who in their right minds would want to stamp on that kind of enthusiasm?

It is true, some parents, and coaches, get carried away, and are loud and aggressive. And there will always be the "competitive parents" who channel all their own thwarted sporting ambitions into their child. You find them in every sport though – just look at tennis. At this age most adults are there on the touch-lines because they love their children, and they want to support them. Too many children go through life without a word of praise, and there is nothing wrong in taking pride in watching your kid do something well.

Believe me, it is no self-indulgent parental option, being a football mum. Up at 7am, sandwiches packed, kit ready, to drive miles to a match, dragging siblings along to stand about for ages in rain, wind and hail. Other mothers are wafting around Meadowhall at the weekend. We're trying to stop the tea stall blowing away. Half the day is gone already and then it's home to shower kids, clean boots and cook dinner.

Most of us do it because we want our children to learn how to be part of something that is bigger than themselves from an early age. For most of them, it really is the taking part, as well as the winning, that counts. It is the camaraderie, the trust, the give-and-take that they are learning as part of a team, skills which would be nigh-on impossible for them to pick up elsewhere in a crowded school curriculum, or indeed in many homes.

Gone are the days of big extended families rubbing along together. Responsible parents now have to help their children seek out meaningful relationships with others instead of leaving them to stew in their bedrooms.

And really, it is impossible to knock the competitive spirit out of a bunch of kids. The FA says that they should be playing for enjoyment, rather than to win, but the point is that for most of them, enjoyment is all about winning.

The kids on Jack's team represent the kind of old-fashioned plucky spirit lacking in so much of modern life. When they win they are ecstatic, when they lose they are learning how to handle failure, as Rudyard Kipling would recognise. Establishing who you are, where you fit in, and what you are capable of is a vital rite of passage.

And there is a crucial difference between team and training. Plenty of children who attend football training every week just come along to enjoy playing and kicking the ball and have no ambitions to join the team. Some are obviously terrified at the prospect. A skilful coach recognises that and creates an inclusive environment.

I agree that as much time as possible should be spent on encouraging the development of skills and instilling a respect for the game. But this can be done without banning the logical outcome of acquiring technical finesse – a desire to see how you perform against other players. Surely it would make sense for the FA to concentrate its efforts to improving and expanding training for coaches who work, usually unpaid, with junior football teams. There are many excellent coaches, but there are plenty who need to learn appropriate ways to motivate and encourage youngsters.

It seems to me that once again football is in the firing line. No-one tells six-year-old golfing prodigies to keep quiet about their scores, or stops swimming races between seven-year-olds, so why should we knock the competitiveness out of our youngest players before they have even learned to play the game?

No wonder we haven't won the World Cup for 42 years.