THIS can be a torrid time of year for families. Children of seven, 11 and 14 are going through SAT tests next week, and the start of GCSE, AS and A-level exams looms, stretching out to the third week in June.

Even the most laidback of families gets infected by exam fever. It's a testing time for everyone, whether you are the young person facing the yardstick or the parent trying to be helpful and keep your child calm.

It's extremely difficult to avoid a certain level of tension, and to some extent it's needed to kick-start exam preparation. But younger children are all too often made to feel – by school and sometimes parents, too – that they must attain a certain level in order to be on track for future greatness or to keep up the school's place in league tables.

Older teenagers have a tendency to blow everything out of proportion and feel these exams are the be-all-and-end-all, and life will end if they don't reach their predicted grades.

Everything is earth-shattering when you're 16 and can be even worse at 18, when the desired place at college, university or job training is dependent on certain grades.

Mood swings prevail, with parents not knowing whether they will face a maelstrom of emotion or a pool of quietness and industry as they turn the key in the door. Simple questions like: "What do you fancy for lunch?" can elicit a snarl, a grunt or silence.

In our house, the eight-person dining table has disappeared in a welter of chemistry, biology, maths and French notes,
revision guides, files of old classwork and homework and library books.

The kitchen units, fridge and doors are covered in posters of bullet points, mostly involving scientific formulae which, if I ever knew them, I forgot long ago and now have a chance to buff up on each time I get the milk.

Whereas the phone would more normally be hot each evening with post-school gossip, small stressed voices are heard discussing the "what ifs" of the A-level maths mechanics paper and whether it's too late to get the French teacher to do the boring old EU Constitution again, in case it crops up.

That's one daughter; the other, who's about to do GCSEs, is prepping intensively for her two-day art exam. Most surfaces reveal evidence of her efforts – notes, discarded sketches, pencils, charcoal, pastels, acrylic paint and half-washed brushes are everywhere... All in all, the house is in chaos, which creates tension of its own.

They are both keeping odd hours, suddenly deciding late at night that they need more A4 paper or they "absolutely must" eat fruit and nut chocolate.

We're fighting to keep things as normal as possible. Our own life seems to be receding, as we find ourselves tiptoeing about, on standby as "revision buddies", ready to test them on verbs or blood vessels.

We all look forward to the day when the notes disappear and
the ceremonial burning of revision posters takes place.
Our home will return to its moderately organised self and the girls will be out having fun or earning money.

But in the meantime, for us and hundreds of thousands of other families, there's the little matter of getting through it all. Some households find the whole issue of upcoming exams leads tensions to boil over around this time, and counselling charities like Childline report an increase in calls from exam-stressed youngsters.

"We recognise that stress at exam time can be symptomatic of other ongoing problems, so we try not to be too prescriptive in our advice when young people call us," says Lee Mitchell of Childline in Yorkshire and the North East.

"Obviously we advise young people who are panicking to prepare well, pace themselves and treat themselves gently, but there may be issues to deal with like parental pressure – even if that is only perceived.

"The world is a different place to how it was when parents took their exams, and we have to recognise that there are more pressures on children than ever before, in a rapidly-changing world. Some children feel the weight of parental expectations very strongly, on top of all the other pressures, including problems in friendships and possibly fears about the future."

Lee Mitchell's best advice to adults dealing with exam-stressed children is to make one crucial message abundantly clear. "It's very important to tell your child that they can only do their best and that is perfectly fine with you."

Barnsley-based child psychologist Ruth Coppard says the difficult exam period is all about finding balance for the whole family. In her practice she sees teenagers whose parents are too involved and attached to their child's performance.

"You want to show you care and will help but the whole family needs balance. That means remembering that life goes on during exams, and it's perfectly healthy to ask them to come and do the pots now and again during revision. There is a world beyond exams, and they should still take part in family occasions."

Ms Coppard is against parents offering incentives for children to achieve results.

"Such bribes are unnecessary, as most children want to please their parents anyway. I've worked with a lot of stressed children, and I've never met one who said the offer of a reward made a difference. Just tell them you're proud of how they are working, and show them that life goes on."

Childline confidential helpline: 0800 1111

Ruth Coppard's website: www.helpmehelpmychild.com