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When our World Cup footballers were really on song
Following news that Embrace have been chosen to record England's World Cup song, Chris Bond looks back at a dubious musical ritual.
I have strong memories of my "first" football World Cup. It was summer 1982 and Spain were the hosts.
England were back after an embarrassing 12-year absence and, according to some pundits, actually had a chance of winning.
After such a long hiatus – football careers came and went during the intervening period – we needed something to shout about so a World Cup anthem was a must.
What we got was This Time (We'll Get It Right) which was recently voted the worst-ever World Cup song by 1,500 football fans up and down the country.
With hindsight, the omens weren't good. When the players shuffled into the recording studio they looked more like a classroom of naughty schoolboys than footballing superstars.
This wasn't helped by their clobber, which consisted primarily of tank-tops and bright V-neck sweaters draped over shoulders – a look not seen since the last Slade concert.
Not that the barnets were any better. Led by Kevin Keegan's ubiquitous perm, the assembled mullets, moustaches and demi-waves weren't a pretty sight, and would send many of today's footballing fashionistas running to the nearest designer salon.
Still, there was hope in the nation's heart and fire in our bellies, "We're on our way, we are Ron's 22," they sang so enthusiastically.
Indeed they were on their way, on their way out after Keegan somehow contrived to miss a near-open goal against Spain, thus presenting West Germany with safe passage to the semi-finals.
Not for the first time, nor the last, English tears (including those of a nine-year-old boy) were spilled.
Since then, there have been a slew of football songs varying greatly in terms of quality.
So news that West Yorkshire band Embrace are to record England's official World Cup song will be greeted with some trepidation among footballing anoraks.
Those with no interest in the beautiful game may mock, but history shows a clear lineage between naff records and an early exit from the greatest sporting competition on earth.
In 1970, only Brazil was regarded as a better team, and yet we crashed out in the quarter-finals (to the Germans) and the England World Cup song that year was about as musical as the sound of a bear being strangled.
Of course, there is a flip side to this. A good song means we do well.
Take 1990. Just three years after the abomination that was Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle's top 20 hit Diamond Lights – Coventry City beat Spurs in the cup that year, by the way – came World in Motion. Not only did it involve a proper band, New Order, but it was funky and had kids rapping in the playground – always a good musical barometer.
He might have become the incomprehensible anchorman of Channel Five football, but 16 years ago John Barnes was quite possibly the coolest man in the country following his impromptu rap.
In Italia 90, England reached the semi-finals before losing amid Gazza's tears and German efficiency from the penalty spot.
Six years later and once again we had a football anthem that captured the moment. Three Lions, written by the Lightning Seeds, David Baddiel and Frank Skinner, was England's official song for the European Championships and raced to the top of the charts as football fever gripped the land.
Its chorus proclaimed that "football's coming home" which looked like coming true until we got beaten on penalties by you-know-who, again.
Since then, our official World Cup songs have been dire. The Spice Girls' 1998 effort (How Does It Feel To Be) On Top Of The World, flopped even more than David Beckham's hair as England crashed out in the second round.
Four years later, Geordie duo Ant and Dec made perhaps their most cringeworthy foray into pop music with a recycled version of Arsenal's anthem We're On the Ball. The song was about as risible as England's capitulation against a 10-man Brazil.
With the exception of Fat Les and Vindaloo, we've not had a decent football song in a while, so there is a lot resting on the shoulders of the Embrace boys.
Get it wrong and we could be left with the bitter taste of sauerkraut. Give us a decent tune and we could all be heading to the nearest mountain for a collective rendition of Edelweiss.
At least the initial noises coming from Huddersfield's most famous rock band are promising. The song, World At Your Feet, is apparently only at the demo stage and won't make it on to the airwaves for a few weeks yet, but lead singer Danny McNamara is hoping to emulate the success of New Order.
Okay, so it probably won't matter when we inevitably get beaten by Brazil – probably in heroic fashion and no doubt robbed by a dubious refereeing decision following some South American theatrics.
But at least when this happens we can give thanks that we came close and be grateful we don't support Scotland.
Things have become so bad north of the border that even the self-depreciating Tartan Army have taken to singing "Luxembourg, Malta and Saudi too, we've drawn with the best and now we'll draw with you."
chris.bond@ypn.co.uk
TUNES THAT TOOK ON THE WORLD
Official England World Cup songs since 1970
1970 Back Home – England World Cup Squad
1982 This Time (We'll Get it Right) – England World Cup Squad
1986 We've Got the Whole World at Our Feet – England World Cup Squad
1990 World in Motion – New Order/England World Cup Squad
1998 (How Does it Feel to Be) On Top of the World – England United (Spice, Girls, Lightning Seeds, Echo and the Bunnymen)
2002 We're On the Ball – Ant and Dec
2006 World at Your Feet – Embrace
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Tuesday 07 February 2012
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