Injuries can't stop Helen on a quest for suicide awareness after brother took his own life

It is more than 30 years since Helen Watson’s brother took his own life and yet she is talking publicly about his death for the first time.

The Sheffield businesswoman, who is co-owner of Ferndale Garden Centre, is determined to raise awareness of the high rates of suicide in young men.

Her brother, talented sailor Kevin Barker, hanged himself in woods near his home on June 26 1984. He was aged just 22.

“I was one of the last people to see him alive,” says mum-of-three Helen.

“We exchanged greetings and he seemed fine. There was nothing to indicate how he must have been feeling. You feel a huge sense of guilt, a feeling that you could or should have done more to help him and all the things you wanted to say to him that you would never get the chance to say. But we just had no idea.”

Kevin was a champion sailor who was on track to take part in the Olympics.

When he failed to turn up for work the alarm was raised and the family and police started to search for him.

“I had horses and decided to ride around looking for him in the woods close by,” says Helen who was only 20 at the time.

“It just felt like being in a soap opera and that it was all happening to another family not ours. It was just surreal.”

His body was discovered by Helen’s fiancé whom she married just three months after Kevin’s death.

“We decided to go ahead with the wedding although we cancelled the evening do. But I went through it in a daze. Kevin should have been there, he would have been an usher. It was a pretty hollow day when it should have been filled with happiness.

“After my brother died my dad just fell apart. He never recovered. The loss of his son really changed him. My kids used to call him ‘grumpy grandpa’. It is just sad, it is the way something like that changes your whole world.

“My mum aged 10 years overnight and then turned to religion to help her cope. I couldn’t really get my head round it but if it wasn’t for her church and her friends she wouldn’t be the person she is. She’s 82, she still swims, walks the dog and likes a glass of red wine.

“My sister had had a young baby and I had to keep it together. But a few months after he died, I had a meltdown.

“I think it was a delayed reaction to what had happened.”

Helen’s father, who died two years ago, developed a form of dementia which is often linked to a traumatic experience. For years he refused to talk about Kevin which was his way of coping.

But Helen has decided to talk about her brother now as she is raising money for the charity CALM – Campaign Against Living Miserably. The charity is dedicated to reducing the level of suicide in men.

“I had never heard of CALM until I took part in a half- marathon for Myeloma UK after my friend was being treated for the condition,” explains Helen.

“Half way through there were these two guys in front of me who were very upset. I asked if they were OK and they said they were running for their brother who had taken his own life six weeks earlier. It made me realise that I had never done anything for Kevin since he died.

“I then saw lots of people with CALM on their shirts and I asked what the charity was about. I just thought ‘I’ve got to do it’.”

Helen contacted the charity to say she wanted to raise some money for their cause.

“But they seemed more interested in me. Even though it was 30 years ago they wanted to know that I was OK and whether I needed any support. They were brilliant.”

Helen as surprised to discover than suicide is the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK. In 2015, 75 per cent of all UK suicides were by men.

Helen’s determination to support CALM in memory of her big brother, came against doctors’ orders.

“After I completed the half marathon I was in a lot of pain. The discs in my back have worn away and doctors advised me not to run again, but I am determined to do this. It was the only thing I could think of to raise the profile of CALM. It just means when I run the next day I feel like an old lady.”

But then on Monday the 53-year-old fell during a training run and fractured her hand and hurt her right wrist. She is now in plaster but determined to continue.

“I am still going to run on Sunday,” she says. “I am running with my youngest daughter Ella who never met her uncle but who wants to run in his memory and I can’t let her down, even if I have to walk the last bit.”

Helen, who is a self-confessed gym bunny, hopes to raise in excess of £2,000 and she is well on her way. Her Just Giving page already stands at £1,500.

But it isn’t just the money that is important to Helen.

“I really want to raise the profile of CALM and the amazing work they do,” she says.

“But I also want to get people talking about suicide, Once you start talking to people about it you suddenly realise how many people have been affected by it. When a member of your family commits suicide it affects everybody for such a long time – I don’t think you ever get over it.

“You feel angry towards the person who took their own life. There are so many emotions you have to deal with.

“If by doing this we can get help for one person that will stop a family going through what we have then we have succeeded.”

The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is an award-winning charity dedicated to preventing male suicide, the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK.

In 2015, 75 per cent of all UK suicides were men.

The campaigners say that
 £7 can pay for one call that could save a life, while £23 
pays for someone to take calls for an hour.

To sponsor Helen Watson’s fundraising effort in the Westminster 10k on Sunday for CALM visit https://www.justgiving.com/Helen-Watson28.

For more details you can also visit www.thecalmzone.net/event/british-10k/