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Modern Dilemmas: Is he cheating?
Dear Alex – I thought I was happily married but recently I suspect my husband is cheating. We have been together for five years, we don't have children yet, but I am so angry because I feel my life has been torn apart. I am totally confused as to what to say or do first.
The heart-stopping realisation that someone is being unfaithful to you means you have to make some fast and firm decisions because from moment to moment the perspective you once had about your life, and indeed your husband, is changing.
You no longer believe in him and his promises. You perhaps can no longer see yourself growing old with him or that he will be the father of your children. And you probably now harbour doubts about your desirability and what your future holds. My advice to you and anyone who is facing such a situation is: when everything changes, change everything.
Most of us believe that change is painful and we will go to great lengths to avoid it, even staying in relationships that no longer work. But how you actually approach change will make all the difference. Your first change is how you want to react to this event. Right now, you are angry and confused and it's easy to see why. That's your fear talking.
Be selective with your emotions. This doesn't mean you have to be cold and calculating, nor do you have to ignore your instinctive feelings, just take a moment and in your mind go through your options.
You will obviously still feel strong emotions for a while, believing that the harmony you once had has been replaced by uncertainty. This is normal, but do choose a way ahead for yourself that allows you to feel love again.
How good you are at this emotional management will determine your success in all areas of your life. Our initial reactions tend to be negative and can make situations even worse. Whether you choose to stay with him and work things through, or whether you decide to make a fresh start alone must come from your decision to choose a great future, not just a painless one.
www.AlexandraWatson.com
Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach, best-selling author and Co-Founder of National Happiness Day.
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Saturday 26 May 2012
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