Jayne Dowle: It should not be a chore to expect our children to make their own beds

Lizzie alone was capable of putting together a sheet, two pillowcases and a single duvet cover. I can only wonder why the mothers and fathers of her classmates haven’t shown them how to perform this most basic of life-skills.

I was delighted for my daughter, but she raised a cynical eyebrow. Until now, in her eyes, dumping freshly-washed and ironed bedding in her room every Sunday afternoon and telling her to get on with it has constituted child neglect.

Lizzie and her brother, who is 14, have been changing their own beds for about a year now. We have a very busy schedule; dance, drama and football for the children, renovating our new house and working, cooking, cleaning and looking after our own parents for the adults.

There simply haven’t been enough hours in the day for me and their stepfather to perform all the domestic tasks required to keep the house and family running effectively. In short, the kids have had no choice but to pitch in. They have moaned about it, I admit, but as Lizzie’s trip to Peak Venture has proved, there is nothing like a bit of adversity to prepare you for growing up.

Why can’t more parents see this? Protecting your children from harm is one thing. Preventing them from learning how to look after themselves is quite another. This half-term holiday, I suggest you make a vow to let your offspring have a go.

A recent serious academic survey undertaken by international social scientists for the Children’s Worlds study found that less than half (47 per cent) of British eight-year-olds did anything around the house to help their parents. This contrasts sharply with other countries, including Poland, where almost 70 per cent of youngsters do it without question.

We might say it’s our children that have the attitude problem, but I beg to differ. It’s all in the way you present it. Negativity breeds contempt. Depict emptying the overflowing smelly bin as “a chore” and your child will naturally balk at it. Describe it instead as a necessary element of a pleasant, tidy living space, and they might be more inclined to come round to your own way of thinking.

I’d also avoid giving cash bribes in exchange for menial tasks. All this does is foster a sense of entitlement that future employers won’t thank you for. The last thing any workplace needs is a junior who won’t tidy the stationery cupboard without an argument over their job description. Instead, trade housework for experiences. As in, if we all pull together for one hour, we can all go to the cinema/play a board game/just chill out.

And never be a dictator, or a hypocrite. Show your children that there’s no “I” in team from an early age and they will respect you for it. Also, play to strengths and avoid sexism. Jack irons his own shirts because he says I’m rubbish at it. Fair enough, I say.

It not only takes the pressure off us, it’s good for them too. How are we supposed to bring up self-confident children with the ability to carry themselves through life if we insist on doing everything for them?

I know women who still undertake a weekly food shop for their adult sons, even though they have left home. I also know parents who pay two lots of mortgage payments – one for their house, one for their twenty-something “child”.

I have already made it clear to Jack that when he finds his own place, he will be on his own. I’ll always be round the corner when he needs my advice, but I won’t be making sure he’s stocked up on breakfast cereal. To his credit, he’s taking this on board. He has already asked me how much it will cost to pay his mortgage, gas and electricity, council tax and so on.

The problem is that modern parents are so scared of the world that they refuse to empower their children and keep them tethered instead. I want my two to grow their own wings and fly, wherever they might choose to go. For Jack, this will be probably be no further than his own house. For Lizzie, who knows? She’s a born traveller, and has swiftly cottoned on to the fact that travellers need to be organised.

Indeed, Lizzie not only impressed her residential trip room-mates with her domesticity, she also prepared for the trip entirely single-handed. This involved commandeering both a holdall and a pull-along suitcase, which she packed with heaven knows what.

Doing her own bag wasn’t a “chore”, it was a chance to prove to herself that she could do it. If you’re struggling, I suggest you ditch the “c” word and embrace liberation. I promise your family will be happier, calmer and much more self-confident for it.