Modern Dilemmas: Time for the sisterhood to stop making sorry mess of success

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Dear Alex, Do women actually like women? I know this seems a crazy question to ask, but recently it seems that I’ve attracted a lot of haters because of my success. Is it just me or a phenomenon of the 21st century?

Women don’t actually have to do much of anything to receive criticism, threats, hate campaigns or discrediting from other women. Men it seems, can get away with so much and have instant sympathy and support from everyone, but all a girl needs to do is be pretty and/or successful and the daggers come out. The question is, at what point did we start to hate other women? Has our judgment gone utterly bonkers or are we just hyper critical of them because we’re hyper critical of ourselves? I believe we need to feel more secure about who we are and less bothered about what others are saying and doing. There’s nothing worse than a super intelligent and high-flying women crumble to the floor and apologise for her success because someone has accused her of being ambitious. Similarly, the humiliation, not to mention the intense guilt we allow ourselves to feel, when we learn that the “right” way to bring up baby is pretty much the opposite of what we’ve been doing all this time. Even though as a gender we have made certain leaps forward but perhaps this is quite an artificial or at best superficial gain.

When can we feel like we’re winning? Winning at work, at home, with the family, with friends, our peers, the family dog? And of course, each other? I believe it’s high time that women truly started supporting other women, and crucially this has to be unconditional support, not just when it suits us.

Can you imagine the changes that would take place should this happen?

Positive, powerful changes for everyone. All would benefit including our family, husbands, employers, but most of all we would feel a profound peace that we no longer have to look over our shoulder to see if someone younger, prettier or more successful has just walked in the room. Instead we would embrace her, support her and feel stress-less. So is this a new thing in society? No, but it has become more intense as we become more of a connected community online which means that everyone is under 24/7 scrutiny and pressure to be 100 per cent fabulous. Girls, stop beating each other up. Stick together, grow together and succeed together.

So if you’re successful and have experienced the female backlash, don’t take it to heart. Just focus on your needs and hope that one day we can re-form the sisterhood!

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