Riding 400 miles to Hull to highlight silent struggle of a friend who took his own life

By February this year the father of two young boys was dead. Simon killed himself the day before his 35th birthday.

“Simon was the calmest, loveliest guy you could ever meet. He was the type of person who always put you at your ease, even if he didn’t really know you. No one, not even his wife Helen suspected that anything was wrong,” says Adam.

But something was badly wrong and after Simon’s death Helen discovered that Adam had been struggling for four years, but had not told anyone.

“Simon really did think his illness was obvious to everyone around him, but it wasn’t,” says Helen, originally from Beverley but now living in Australia where Simon was from.

“He was amazing at hiding it, without him even realising he was doing so. Men don’t tend to talk about their feelings – and that’s something that, as the mother of two young boys, I’m desperate to change.”

Graphic designer Adam, 37, with Helen’s backing is raising awareness of male suicide with a 400-mile cycle challenge.

Tomorrow he sets off from London’s Olympic Park to Hull and back again in four days.

“It is around 400 miles and we plan to do 100 miles a day,” says Adam, who will be joined by friend Phil Davies whose brother took his own life 17 years ago. It will be a particularly demanding challenge for Phil because he underwent major heart surgery in 2014. The pair will be joined by Jenni Field part way through the challenge.

“We will be going to Beverley Minster as that is where I last saw Simon and his family and it felt a symbolic tribute to him,” says Adam who hopes to raise £20,000 through the To Hull and Back challenge. They are expecting to arrive in Beverley on Saturday before turning round and heading back to London .

“I am hoping by the end of day four I will be back in my own bed, feeling very tired and sore, but pleased that we have achieved something and paid tribute to Simon.”

Half of the money raised will go to the charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) which aims to raise awareness of suicide in young men and to Simon’s family, especially his two sons aged just four and seven. Adam said: “I have a two-year-old son and I have just bought him his first bike, I just want to raise some money so that Simon’s sons can have some of the things their dad might have bought them.”

Adam says he is no cyclist but in trying to come to terms with his friend taking his own life, he felt he wanted to do something.

“I used to ride the 10 miles to work but haven’t done that for ages. I have been in training for the last three months and have been building up from a few miles to 88, but I have never done anything like 100 miles back to back. I am a little worried but I am sure the adrenalin will keep us going.

“Cycling to Hull and back just seemed like a good thing to do – it is symbolic but will also hopefully raise awareness of the shocking number of young men taking their own lives, with no one ever knowing there was anything wrong with them.

“We just don’t talk about mental health enough. Simon wasn’t a stiff upper lip-type person and yet he obviously didn’t feel he could talk about his mental health.

“Simon’s death was very hard to come to terms with. As an adult, the only people I’ve know who have passed away have been much older, and so whilst there has been grief, their age and circumstances helped to make sense of their death.

“Simon’s death was not the same – that he took his own life has left only questions, confusion and sadness. He was a son, a grandson, a brother, an uncle, a husband, and a dad to two young boys.

“As a dad to a young son myself, I’ve thought a lot about his boys and what I could do to help them, and also other men who might be thinking about taking their own lives. Tragically suicide is the number one cause of death for men under the age of 45 – a statistic that is as shocking as it is sad.”

Simon said he had never heard of the charity CALM until he started to think about doing the charity cycle ride.

“I wanted to support a mental health charity such as MIND but then I came across CALM. I likes the fact they were a smaller charity and they have been so supportive of what we are doing and they have been giving us advice since we started fund-raising about how we would find it an emotional roller coaster and they were right.”

Adam and his team have already raised more than £5,000 of their £20,000 total and have been moved by the amount of support from friends, family and people they don’t even know.

Helen, whose mother still lives in Beverley said: “Raising awareness of male suicide in this way is amazing and vital, and the boys and I are so grateful for, and amazed by, what Adam’s doing.”

Adam says since starting training for the Hull and Back ride he has been shocked by the number of people who have been touched by suicide.

“No one ever talks about it but since I started fund-raising so many people have either said they had a relative who took their own life, or they know someone who did. I find it shocking that we don’t talk about problems with our mental health as much as we talk about problems with our physical health. It is something that has to change.”

www.tohullandback.co.uk

To donate go to www.gofundme.com/tohullandback