Society seems to have convinced itself that these are the most stressful times ever. I simply don't buy this. While it is true that the number of reported mental health issues is rising, this does not necessarily mean that life is getting harder. It might simply show people are less able, or less willing, to deal with life's inevitable downsides. I cannot see how living in the 21st century is somehow worse than living in the 1940s or 1950s. Different sources of stress perhaps, but not necessarily more.

Children especially seem to expect that everything should go their way. Failure is not an option for them. If they can't win, they won't play. Without challenge, there is little chance of moving forward. The core of real education is to move people out of their comfort zone.

Basically, without the possibility of failure there is little possibility of success. Education is in danger of becoming a branch of the entertainment industry. While education should indeed be entertaining where possible, it cannot always be fun. Often, it needs the "hard yards".

The emphasis on how children and students "feel about things" can stifle the learning process. It appears that some educationalists feel that if something causes worry it should be avoided at all costs. I would disagree. Facing up to challenges helps develop an individual. Avoiding challenges can severely limit their potential. Tougher individuals are able to try and fail. The less tough may simply fail to try anything new

I am in no way advocating putting children under pressure simply for the sake of it. The real debate is perhaps what pressures are unavoidable. While operating slightly outside your comfort zone can be life enhancing, traumatic events are always destructive. It's not about "throwing people into the deep end", but rather encouraging them to put their foot in the water and giving them the skills to float.

This latter approach is basically the work I and my team do at the University of Hull. Firstly, we measure mental toughness and then provide interventions to enhance this. These interventions include psychological skills such as goal setting, relaxation, visualisation and thought control. They are simple and straightforward, and have a proven track record of helping a range of people in stressful situations. So, for example, many children will say: "What happens if it goes wrong?"

We work hard to rephrase this so that the sentence reads: "What happens if it goes right?" One word different, but a world away when thinking about challenges.

We try to help children deal more effectively with life using a three step approach. Firstly, it is important to find out what the child really wants. In other words, setting appropriate goals. This is complex. Children lacking confidence will often set really low goals or, perversely, really high ones. It is important to set realistic and achievable goals. Then it is a matter of finding out what factors are helping the individual to achieve these goals and what factors are working against this. The final step is to identify which of these factors can be controlled, or at least influenced, and what factors the child is in reality stuck with. Redirecting children's energies to movable obstacles can produce huge life changes.

We all want what is best for our children. My seven-year-old, Emily, is my pride and joy and like all parents I want to protect her from life's disappointments. However, I feel that avoiding activities where she might fail is not an ideal preparation for life. For example, exams appear to be vilified at the moment. It is true that some people find these incredibly difficult but it is often overlooked that many people find them a positive, but not often enjoyable, experience.

To me, exams are one of the unavoidable pressures. In the world of work we are constantly tested, often informally, and the consequences of failure can be very severe indeed. Learning to deal with stress, and indeed embracing it, is a vital life skill.

I am very aware that some children have real psychological issues and find it impossible to deal with the pressures they are experiencing. These individuals need specific professional help and it is obviously not the case that they should simply "pull themselves" together.

However, I think that for most of us we have become stress averse and over-react to it. It has always been there, and it has always been the case that some people thrive on it, some need help to deal with it and some peoples' lives are ruined by it.

Showing our children that stress can be confronted and beaten offers them a way forward. The more a fear is avoided, the bigger it gets.

Peter Clough is head of the department of psychology at Hull University.