Arts Diary: Will Marriott

Unlike self-confessed metrosexuals, such as footballer David Beckham, the fiery-tempered chef insisted he will never be caught grooming himself – or even working out at the gym.

"I'd never go to a parlour to be groomed, I just put on a bit of gel and deodorant and I'm away...I certainly do not moisturise and I definitely do not wax – men who wax should have been born a woman," he told Zoo.

"The thought of a gym disgusts me. I couldn't cope with the mirrors. The idea of a rowing machine brings me out in a sweat."

We've got to hand it to the people behind Huddersfield's Laughter Lounge.

The comedy promoters were a bit cheeky earlier this week when they emailed us about their next gig: fortunately, they caught us in a rare good mood and we're happy to help them out with a bit of publicity.

See, they thought it would catch people's attention if they announced that "Chris Martin comes to Huddersfield". It certainly caught ours.

It was only much later in the email that we discovered Coldplay will not be playing a secret gig in Kirklees: Chris Martin the comedian will be visiting the Laughter Lounge.

This Chris Martin has a keen passion for sport and holds the world record for taking part in the world's highest cricket match. The culmination of a demanding nine-day trek in the Himalayas, the Everest Test was a competitive Twenty20 cricket match at 5,165 metres.

Chris Martin – not from Coldplay – will be at the Huddersfield Laughter Lounge on April 24. Tickets on 01484 432328.

Okay, this is a slightly con-voluted, but lovely tale, so bear with us.

Last Friday, national treasure Alan Bennett was doing what he does best–entertaining an audience: in this case in an evening at Richmond's Georgian Theatre Royal, an event which was raising much-needed funds for the venue.

He read from his diaries – including an entry from May 13, 1993, in which he'd written about an unknown local lady who got into his car parked in Richmond Market Place during his last visit to the town. The woman swore, and aghast, jumped out of the car when she saw her husband

gesticulating nearby at their identical vehicle.

In the audience at last Friday's event were Barbara and her daughter, Shona, who waited to meet the literary hero after the event.

Bennett was delighted to meet the pair, especially when Barbara explained that it was her mother, Susan Hughes, who was a volunteer at the theatre, who had been the mystery woman he found in his car.

A night at a dance show. Grand theatres, people getting dressed up to the nines? Not in Sheffield.

Danceworks is presenting a series of dance shows this summer across the city and one particular show needs no dress code: mainly because it's performed ina toilet.

Rodrigo Pardo's hugely acclaimed Toilet Tango – performed by the Argentinian dancer and choreographer and partner Claudia Jakobsen – can be seen in a window at CTP St James, in the heart of the city, throughout May 14 and 15 between noon and 1.30pm.