Clare Teal: German lesson in discovering a new appetite for life

Having arrived at the airport hotel after midnight the previous evening only to be told "they had overbooked", we were taken to a "hotel" further along the road which was, frankly, horrible.

We slept in our anoraks so as not to make contact with the sheets and were for once happy to be awake at 7am – and by the time our 11am Frankfurt flight took off, I was starving!

Muddy hates flying. After a course of hypnotherapy she still hates it, but is now able to drink gin and tonic mid flight – regardless of the hour. I appreciate it was quite early, all the other travellers wanted water or orange juice, but we were disappointed when the hostess offered just "tea or coffee". We cast a glance over to Grant, Ben and Miles happily quaffing gin and troughing posh crisps. "You had to ask for gin – it wasn't offered." Hmph.

We were met by Kathrin in Frankfrt.

"Do you have a bus?"

"Er no I was rather hoping you might have one."

"A contra bus?"

"Oh a bass, a double bass… er no, we were rather hoping you'd have one of those as well."

"Ah yes, we do".

Kathrin explained over the din of my rumbling tummy that there would be snacks at the venue before the concert and proper dinner afterwards. English pre gig snacks generally consist of a bag of crisps and a kettle so we decided to have a schnitzel fest in Wiesbaden (good shopping). The venue was a small but perfectly formed castle. Pre concert snacks turned out to be a table sagging, sumptuous buffet for 15. Platter upon platter of incredible sandwiches, fruits, cakes, crisps and the obligatory bags of Haribo.

Still full from the schnitzel, we politely ate as much as we could. Imagine my delight when reading the reviews afterwards that my almost fluent "Oestrich Winkel and surrounding areas you rock! Sehr sehr much" made it into print. Following our three course dinner we were airlifted back to the hotel.