Expert Answers: Dog phobia stops me meeting future in-laws

At 27, I am still terrified of dogs.When I was young, my aunt's dog jumped up and I fell over and hurt myself and the panic has never really left me. My girlfriend's parents have a dog. She wants me to meet them but I don't want to appear pathetic in front of them, or her.

Phobias are very common – it is believed that at least one person in 10 is affected at some time in their life. People with phobias about animals and birds are among the commonest of all. Pigeons, cats and dogs can be a particular problem, because there are so many of them around.

A severe phobia about them can be as disabling as any anxiety disorder. Even fear of rats, frogs and snakes, which most people seldom encounter, can be the cause of much misery in certain circumstances.

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Some people become almost prisoners in their own homes for fear of common creatures like cats and dogs, pigeons and other birds.

Some people are convinced that they will have a panic attack and lose control if they even see film of the creature they fear on TV.

What causes animal phobias? It is hard to be precise, though sometimes an unpleasant experience, such as being badly scratched or bitten, or perhaps barked at by a large dog, may trigger it.

Animal bites can be painful, and some carry disease, so we all try to avoid being bitten, but most people can cope with having animals around them without becoming phobic.

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Few really dangerous wild creatures are found in Britain, and the vast majority of domestic animals are tame and friendly.

Some people no doubt learn their animal phobia from their parents. If father reacts nervously when a pigeon swoops past him, the children may well do so too. But on the whole, most people find that their phobia develops gradually, or comes and goes over a long period, and that no particular cause or trigger is involved. In any event, it is seldom worth spending a lot of time and energy on "rooting out the cause". The point is to learn to control the phobia.

Paul Charlson

GP from Brough

This is a classical phobia. Phobias are irrational fears which we cannot control and often stem from events during childhood.

Many phobias do not need treatment and simply require avoidance of the subject of the phobia as you have done. Now it seems as if you may need to tackle the problem. The best treatment is some form of counselling although hypnotherapy can help some people.

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The NHS may provide counselling via your GP but the waiting lists are long and you may not be seen as a priority. My suggestion is to ask your local surgery whether they can recommend a counsellor and go to see them on a private basis. In regard to your girlfriend just tell her, if it is a decent relationship it will survive. I suspect she will understand.

Elaine Douglas

A chartered psychologist who specialises in family and child relationships

What has happened is that you have generalised your fear from an incident with one dog to being frightened of all dogs.

There are ways of overcoming this kind of phobia, but you need to consider working with a psychologist or someone who is familiar with the techniques needed. Basically there are three ways of tackling this, desensitisation, flooding and/or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).

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Desensitisation involves a gradual introduction to your fear by, for example, looking at pictures of dogs and managing the feelings of anxiety that produces. Gradually you would walk on the same side of the street as a dog, then as time goes by you may be able to stroke one. Flooding is being "thrown in at the deep end". If you work with a professional it can be very effective.

CBT looks at how thoughts affect feelings and behaviour and is often used alongside the other two approaches. You would learn about why your body reacts in the way it does to your fear and how to control it. The British Psychological Society will have details of a professional in your area, or you could go through your GP.

Cary Cooper

Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at Lancaster University

This is a common phobia, and you can be helped to manage it. I would suggest contacting Anxiety UK, which is a national organisation, who can provide you with advice and support to help you cope with this fairly common phobia. They will let you know about the various methods that are used to deal with this, such as de-sensitisation training and many other techniques.

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Alternatively, you could also contact your GP practice and ask your GP if you can be referred to a clinical psychologist in the local hospital or area who deals with phobias. They would then work with you to manage your behaviour, so that it was not a major problem in the future. Many people learn to live with their phobias, so something can be done to help you.

Dr Carol Burniston

Consultant Clinical Child Psychologist

Most people have a fear of something, but tend not to talk about it. Yours is more obvious because dogs are very common and their presence has an immediate effect on you. It is the extent to which your fear interferes with your everyday life that is important. In this case it is making you even more anxious than you might otherwise be to meet your girlfriend's parents. Treatment for this problem is available.

If you go to your GP, he will be able to refer you to your local Mental Health service, which will have experience of treating phobias. Behavioural therapy is usually very effective in resolving this problem and would probably take between six and 12 sessions. In the meantime, try not to avoid dogs as this reinforces your fear.

As for your immediate concerns, most people with dogs will check if you are ok with them before letting them go. Ask your girlfriend to let her parents know that the dog would be better in another room for your first meeting. I am sure they will want to know all about you and will make up their own minds as to whether they think you are the right person for their daughter.

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