Modern Dilemmas: Can mixed families find happiness?

Dear Alex, I was married before and I have a teenage son from that marriage. My current husband and son do not get on at all. They're openly hostile, and my husband gets mad when he thinks my son is being disrespectful to us. It's a constant battle, do mixed families ever find happiness?
By The Newsroom
Published 11th Nov 2010, 10:47 BST
Updated 11th Nov 2010, 10:48 BST

It isn't pleasant being caught in the middle of a power struggle between the two men in your life. But bringing a new father figure into the house when you and your son have already established your relationship, has thrown everything out of balance. You may not have realised it but your son had already assumed the dominant role. Your son is self-reliant and self-sufficient to a large degree and for him I'm sure his life was working rather well, but now your husband has entered the picture. Both are going to want different things from you and you feel torn between who out of the two you are going to please. Both believe that your loyalty should be with them and the more you try to serve them both the more you will fail and the more uncomfortable everyone will feel. This is usually the point where it all comes to a head. But that aside, what's missing here is you. Where do you come into this?

It is time you made a decision, although this will not be popular with either your son or your husband who have come to expect certain behaviours from you. Your decision must be to serve one master, namely yourself. This new direction will be disruptive at first, but will serve you enormously well soon enough. Eventually they will see that their happiness is their own responsibility, not yours. It may take a bit of time for the adjustment of how they think and behave but stay on path.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

It's worth knowing that a good deal of their current behaviour is caused by your response to what is going on. Both of them are using you and your reaction as part of their justification for quarrelling and so when you take yourself out of it the whole situation may still burn for a while, but you will no longer be pouring petrol on it.

I don't think your dilemma has much to do with being a mixed family; it's more to do with everyone caring for

each other and for you to forget about the fears and egos

of those around you.

Alexandra Watson is a Happiness Expert and best-selling author. If you're ready to be happy and more confident,

visit www.Time2Shine.com