Modern Dilemmas: Can we make it work the second time around?

I must admit that when I hear of a couple getting back together, my first reaction is to think, "Oh that's great", shortly followed by, "I wonder how long it will last this time?" When a relationship ends, there is usually a good reason, and so I can't help thinking that perhaps they should save themselves the heartache and move on.

If you've decided to give it another try, then one or both of you must have made a promise to change your ways and work out the differences. At first you will experience a honeymoon period where it feels good again, safe and familiar, plus you will feel a certain amount of relief that you're no longer alone. But be aware that after a while old behaviours creep back in and the "new" relationship morphs back into the old one.

I'm not being negative; I have just seen this happen many times. But equally I have seen couples reunite with great success to go on and get married and be blissfully happy, so the question is: what's the difference?

Here are my tips for making it work the second time around: Firstly, you need to go slowly. It's tempting to dive right in and get back to where you were before, but although it may be hard to resist, you need to look at this as a new start, a new romance and nurture it carefully. You've both changed so you need to get reacquainted and stick to the new rules you have created.

It's also very important to be honest with yourself and each other. Think about why you want to be together, is it for the right reasons or do you just want to be in a relationship? Remember you split for a reason, so you need to face what went wrong. Keep communication flowing as a way of staying on track and building a strong partnership. Additionally, don't do anything big within the first year, like get engaged or start trying for a baby. Give yourselves time. People can change but the new perspectives and habits need to develop, so help each other and focus on that first rather than look for the next big thrill. And should a problem reappear, treat it immediately, don't let things go to the point of no return.

Fight for the relationship you want but be prepared to walk away if it makes you unhappy in the long-run.

Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach and best- selling author. If you have a dilemma, ask Alex by going to www.AlexandraWatson.com