Modern Dilemmas: The clash of generations over bringing up children

Dear Alex – My daughter is way too overprotective of my four year-old granddaughter and it is becoming a real tension-filled issue between us. She never seems to relax and let her simply play like a normal child, instead she micro-manages her every game. I think it's suffocating and unhealthy, and I never did that to her. I love spending time with them but how can I do this without it being ruined by our differences?
By The Newsroom
Published 27th May 2010, 15:47 BST
Updated 27th May 2010, 15:47 BST

It is difficult not to judge when you think someone close is doing something wrong.

Perhaps your mother disagreed with how you bought up your children? A mother's instinct is to protect her child and, in today's society, having a precious four year-old will cause your daughter to be on red alert.

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In each passing generation things do change, some good, some not-so-good, therefore much is left open to criticism.

This generation of mothers has been open to more than most – from over-managing to over-indulgence. I'm sure like me you can recall the heady days of our youth staying out until dark or when we got hungry, being allowed to climb trees and generally get mucky.

It is a shame that this is not a reality so much any more and I feel sorry for children who will not enjoy the carefree childhood that I had.

However, we're yet to see the damage over-protection will cause, if any, and it will be interesting to see how they in turn bring up their children. Your daughter is coping as best she can, as you once did, so it would be great for you both if you could acknowledge that fact.

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What your daughter really needs is your support, unconditionally. It is easy to notice differences and make something of them. Perhaps now it would be better to start looking at your similarities and celebrating those. It's your daughter's turn to be a mother and so let her make her own mistakes as we all have to. Trying to control how she brings up your granddaughter will have

long-term consequences that will come between you so it will serve you all to come together so you are always on her side.

Encourage her and make a decision to stop saying anything negative about her parenting. Put your energy into becoming best friends, someone she can rely on because, as you know, the difficulties of bringing up a daughter have only just began. She does and will continue to need your advice but let her come to you for it. Just give

her time.

Sometimes you have to let go of something small in order to gain a whole lot more.

Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach and best- selling author. If you have a dilemma ask Alex by going to www.AlexandraWatson.com