Modern Dilemmas: I'm dreading Christmas

Dear Alex, I'm dreading Christmas this year because it will be the first one my family has without my father who died in January. The feelings among us are still quite raw and we haven't all been together since his funeral. How can we get through it all with the minimum amount of tears and upset?

For some, Christmas is not always the joyous time of year it should be. It can often be a stark reminder of what we no longer have, especially when it comes to loved ones. There is something about this time of year which heightens our emotions and it is this intensity and the stress factor which often comes with it which causes many issues to arise and negative feelings to emerge.

That said, Christmas is really a time for family and celebrating what you have together. It can be a very healing time and this is what you should see it as for your family now. Taking the lead, I would talk to your mother first and then other members of your family to gauge how everyone feels. Ask your mother what she would like to do on the day. Does she want to mark the occasion by a small or a more significant gesture to your father's memory?

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Discuss this with everyone because giving your family the opportunity to think about it and have their input by approaching the subject well in advance and in a gentle, proactive and open way will relieve much of the anxiety instantly.

What you will achieve by talking to everyone is clarity as to what will happen on the day plus a general understanding of the collective family mood regarding your father. This alone will help everyone feel more relaxed at your family gathering.

From now until Christmas, keep the conversation open and flowing between all of you. Encourage mutual support, and ensure your mother has all the emotional backing she needs and practical help too as she's hosting the day. She may want to bury herself in a huge to do list in order to stop feeling anxious and my advice would be to stay close and visit her as often as possible. She will know you're keeping an eye on her but it will be appreciated.

Overall, you have the potential to have a warm, loving Christmas. Showing each other compassion and loving support will ensure that it doesn't need to be a time of loss, more of a celebration of life. After all, time passes very quickly and so treasuring who is around you now creates a feeling of gratitude. Focus on your family, nurture the feeling of togetherness and no one will feel distressed on the day.

Alexandra Watson is a happiness expert and best-selling author. If you're ready to be happy and more confident visit www.Time2Shine.com