Modern Dilemmas: It's hard but call time on stay-at-home son

Sounds like you've done too good a job looking after your son but not giving him much incentive to leave either by providing him with all the home comforts without any of the responsibility.

I know that one of the hardest parts about being a parent is letting go of our children. From their first day at kindergarten to watching them fly the nest, it can be a real wrench for most of us. However, when they show no signs of wanting to start a life of their own then you need two things to start the ball rolling:

Firstly, you need new ground rules for your household. Namely, those who live there pay their way and pull their weight from now on. No more help from Mum, no matter how much he tries to charm or nag. You are going to have to be strong, determined and you and your husband must present a united front. Your son may protest at first but it will make him respect you both more for it.

Think about how much more self-respect he will feel when he starts to take care of himself and begin adulthood in earnest. Besides, once the former benefits of living with you are no longer available then he will

be more motivated to go off in the big world and find his own home.

The second thing you need to think about is what you can use his old room for. When you mentally see that room as free for you to create plans, you will feel a lot better about the day he finally leaves.

Don't feel guilty about encouraging your son to leave. It goes against nature, it's the right thing to do, it's the natural course of things. It's his time to learn about being a real grown up instead of just pretending and at the same time take advantage of the freedom and responsibilities that come with independence. Continuing to let him take advantage of you both is not teaching him anything that will help him in the future. For example, which girl is going to enter into a relationship with a guy who still lives at home?

Feel proud of yourself for being a hard mother to leave and pleased that he will soon be able to make his own life and, therefore, become grateful for what you and your husband have provided for him. Firmly close the door on the episode and don't let any of it sneak back. For example, when he finds his own place, don't offer to come round and clean his house or cook or do his laundry. It's a clean sweep, a clean cut, that's the only way to make it work well for the future.

Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach and best-selling author. If you have a dilemma, ask Alex by going to www.AlexandraWatson.com