Modern Dilemmas: To move forward you have to learn how to let go

Dear Alex – I desperately want to get my life together. As a 34-year-old working mother-of-two, I am frequently tired and frustrated with my life and myself. I work hard but seem to get nowhere. I know I want more for myself and perhaps the time is right to do something about it, but some friends say I should be grateful for what I have. Anyway, I don't feel I have the control or ability to change anything or even know where to start.
By The Newsroom
Published 14th Jan 2010, 10:54 BST
Updated 14th Jan 2010, 10:54 BST

When the New Year, in fact a new decade, presents the ideal opportunity to make changes in your life then you should take it – especially if you have strong feelings. Not knowing what to do shouldn't stop you, and neither should friends or a fear of control or ability. We often hold ourselves to ransom over goals at this time of year, like losing weight, which only add to the conflicting pressures we feel from society to either have it all or get over ourselves and be grateful. No matter what you think you should or shouldn't do, all that really matters is what you want from life.

Changing your life for the better is only a matter of taking stock so you can begin to see the wood for the trees and make your first move in the right direction. Before I go into how to do that I want to let you into a little known secret; when we make goals or New Year resolutions we believe that achieving them will change our lives and therefore make us happier, but achievement isn't the key. Over the years, I have offered countless advice on how best to

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set goals and resolutions that stick and in my experience the best way of being happier while improving your life actually begins with the act of letting go. Start by letting go of anything you don't want to carry into this new decade, like fear, anger, resentment, disappointment, frustration. This will liberate you from unnecessary pressure. Once you have freed yourself up, even if it's just a little, you will be able to see more clearly what you really want, how it

will make you happy and how you

go about getting it.

Don't add to the pressure you already feel to be a good mum, a model wife, great friend and all round has-it-together woman of the world.

Take time to reflect upon who you are now, who you want to be and what it will give you. Then you can move forward with your life with a stronger sense of control, feeling more self-assured and therefore less stressed and vulnerable. Enjoy letting go to make room for something better.

Alexandra Watson, Happiness Coach, best-selling author and co-founder of National Happiness Day helps celebrities, Olympic athletes and business professionals with dilemmas and personal issues. www.AlexandraWatson.com