Modern Dilemmas: Rivalry at work

Dear Alex, the rivalry at work is getting to me and it's not the men, it's the women. Whatever the event or situation there seems to be such intensity of competition and dirty tricks some of it is pretty horrifying. Is this bitchiness now what to expect on our way to the top?

I'm afraid the once supportive sisterhood has been replaced by grown-up bullying in this ever insecure job market. The more women you have working together the more emotional it can be with the emphasis being on personal glory rather than that old fashioned notion of team work. The trouble is it's not just at work where women compete; it's everything from looks, money, children, men and lifestyle. In a recent survey 85 per cent of the 500 interviewed admitted to being competitive with their female friends and some 90 per cent said they were in direct competition with the other women at their work.

Of course the root of such behaviour is insecurity, fuelled by the economic downturn, and not helped by the years of unequal opportunities that have conditioned us to believe there are not enough good careers to go around. With statistics like only 12 per cent of board members are female compared to 40 per cent in France, then you can see why we think that's there is not much room. Women also put an extremely high amount of pressure on themselves too and it starts from a very early age.

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The real issue with female rivalry is that because we are so focused on winning that we miss out on potentially great relationships with other women. The time I do see wonderful support and a great all-female atmosphere is in my seminars. I've seen the transformation over and over again.

The secret to it lies in communication, which is at the heart of all good relationships, and it comes from the top down. You're not going to change the way women are over night, but what is possible right now is to change your own work environment by changing your approach to each other.

If you simply view your female co-workers with respect, it will alter how they view you and in time this develops into treating each other with mutual respect. It's not going to solve all the issues but it's a start and it can work quite quickly. Try it and see.

Alexandra Watson is a happiness expert and best-selling author. If you're ready to be happy and more confident

visit www.Time2Shine.com

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