Modern Dilemmas: When will it be time for me to start enjoying life?

Dear Alex, I have two grandchildren who I take care of during the week while my single daughter works and I also care for two elderly sisters who had breast cancer. I love all my family very much, but now feel it's time for me. It seems everyone relies on me but I've had a difficult life myself and now I want to enjoy the time I have left. How can I do this?
By The Newsroom
Published 14th Oct 2010, 11:51 BST
Updated 14th Oct 2010, 11:51 BST

It's not selfish to want to take your life back, even if it's from those closest to you. It seems you have been there for everyone for many years and there is nothing wrong with saying enough is enough. The pressure you have been under has to have an end so your life can begin.

When you are the instigator of change, especially within a family, it is possible you'll meet great resistance and resentment. That should not stop you doing what you want to for once, so don't feel guilty because you're not letting anyone down. Change always brings new and positive energy and they will realise that in time. So what I am saying is that you're desire to concentrate on your own life will help them take a fresh look at their own.

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Additionally, you are not responsible for everyone in your family. Your daughter is a grown woman and your sisters have been lucky to have you live nearby. Even though it may seem like you have a war on three fronts, if you approach this correctly you can make your break cleanly with minimal upset. Here's what you can do; firstly, decide when you are going to tell everyone. By giving yourself a date you are setting your goal in stone and proving to yourself it's going to happen. Next, start planning what you want to do first whether it's lots of little activities or one big trip. Plan it, book it. Now you're ready to focus on each person in turn. Go and see them face to face, explain that you do love them and you were glad to have been able to be there for them but now it's time for a big break.

When they can see that you have thought about this for a long time and made plans, they will know you mean business, but at the same time they can get excited for you and therefore support your wishes. If you offer to help them find ways to fill in the gap you are leaving, that will soften the blow. Finally, know that what you're doing for yourself is vastly important and you are being a great role model for your daughter and grandchildren by showing them that you value who you are enough to make difficult and even unpopular decisions. It's empowering.

Alexandra Watson is a Happiness Expert and best-selling author. If you would like to feel happy and more confident visit www.Time2Shine.com