SAS veteran on the private battles soldiers face after life on the front line

Whenever Chris Ryan meets a group of schoolchildren, there are three things they want to know.

Firstly, they ask the former SAS man-turned-author to pick his favourite weapon of all time, secondly, they want full details of the most disgusting thing he has ever eaten and finally, without a hint of embarrassment, they ask him how many men he has killed.

“Children ask you things adults would never dream of,” says Ryan, who found himself in the public eye after being part of the disastrous Bravo Two Zero mission to Iraq in 1991 along with fellow soldier-turned-writer Andy McNabb. “I tell them my pen is my favourite weapon, because you can kill an entire career with just a few words, and when it comes to disgusting meals, there’s one that beats all others.

“Once I was out in the Far East working with a jungle tribe when they slaughtered a pregnant sow and began to dish up her young. It’s the only thing that has ever made my stomach churn, but what could I do? I didn’t want to insult them, so I ate it.

“Kids always squirm when I tell them that story, but it’s the final question that I find much more difficult to answer. I’m not there to glamorise war. I simply tell them that I did kill, but I also make it clear that there are consequences to what I did.”

Ryan had been in the SAS for a number of years when he found himself as part of the eight-man Brave Two Zero mission during the first Gulf War. Setting up an observation post on a main route out of Baghdad, the aim was to take out the supply of Scud missile launchers. There is some dispute as to what happened next, but what’s not in doubt is the mission was compromised. Four of the team, including McNabb, were captured, three died and Ryan was the one that got away. Trekking 200 miles across the border into Syria with no food and water, he lost 36lb, suffered sores all over his body and watched his toenails fall off.

When he was later awarded the Military Medal, he became an instant hero and a source of endless fascination, but his biggest battle came when he left the SAS and wrote the best-selling account of his ordeal, The One That Got Away.

“I didn’t realise that I would have to do book signings and it was at one event in London that I cracked,” he says. “I remember walking through the city thinking it wasn’t all that long ago that I would have been passing through these streets with a firearm concealed under my jacket on some surveillance operation.When I got to the signing and found all these people staring at me, I realised that positions had been completely reversed. I freaked out.”

While comfortable with giving motivational speeches in front of large audiences, Ryan, who has recently made a documentary with the armed forces charity Combat Stress, still struggles with more intimate events and knows he’s not alone.

“We were always very cynical about post-traumatic stress disorder and it wasn’t until I left that I realised there was something seriously wrong with me. Being in the armed forces is not a normal life and when soldiers leave we need to look after them much better.

“One ex-soldier told me that he couldn’t go to sleep without making sure the bedroom door was open. There’s often a sense of embarrassment about admitting you’re struggling to cope, but there shouldn’t be. When I first came out, I put bolts on the bedroom door and if I ever went to a hotel where the locks looked flimsy I would barricade myself in.”

Ryan has said he only survived his epic desert trek by thinking of his then two-year-old daughter. While his marriage eventually broke down, he believes today’s armed forces families are under even greater pressure.

“Being posted out to Afghanistan for six months at a time brings with it an incredible amount of pressure,” says Ryan, whose brother still serves with the Parachute Regiment. “I know of one lad who on three consecutive foot patrols saw three of his colleagues killed by improvised explosive devices. How do you go about dealing with that? I’m not sure I could have done.”

British soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan have routinely been sent to Cyprus for a period of what the Army calls decompression. Effectively, they are given a few weeks to let their hair down and consign the events of the front line to history, but not everyone is convinced of its benefits.

“The idea that any soldier who has spent months witnessing the most horrific scenes can deal with it by having a week-long blow-out is just ridiculous. The fact is it all just gets buried and when their emotions finally do explode, it’s all the more devastating.

“During the Falklands War, 258 service personnel were killed. That’s a striking statistic, but many more have since taken their own life. We don’t know how many because it’s often 10 or 15 years after they have left the armed forces that they reach their lowest point, but we shouldn’t try to kid ourselves that it isn’t a problem.

“We are sitting on a mental health timebomb.”

When not writing at the home he has in France, Ryan, now 50, is often in the US, where he runs his own security company. However, while he may spend much of his time abroad he keeps a close eye on news surrounding the British armed forces and unsurprisingly has much to say on the proposed defence cuts.

Last year, the Government announced plans to cut 17,000 personnel alongside the withdrawal of HMS Ark Royal, the RAF’s Harrier jump jets and Nimrod surveillance aircraft. Earlier this month, the Commons Defence Committee rejected the Prime Minister’s assurance that the British military would be largely unaffected by the plans and warned the cuts would seriously jeopardise future missions.

“It’s not all that long ago that a second Gulf War would have seemed inconceivable,” says Ryan. “But it happened and when it did, British forces were a vital part of the operation. The world is a fast-changing place and I just don’t see how it makes sense to scale back your defences when you have no idea what might be around the corner.

“We are already reliant on America for the hardware and cutting back now on actual men on the front line seems to me to be a very dangerous path to tread.”

Ryan doesn’t mention David Cameron by name, just as he doesn’t mention Tony Blair in his latest book, Killing for the Company. However, there’s little doubt where he found the inspiration for the character of a former British PM turned Middle East peace envoy.

“I try to keep all my books as factual as possible,” he says, although he admits lawyers often have the final say. “There is nothing in there to compromise British security and I think it’s important that those who spend every day trying to defend our freedom are given a voice.”

It’s much the same philosophy he adopts when writing the Alpha Force and Code Red series for children.

“I get more satisfaction from going into schools and talking to kids than I do from writing books for adults,” says Ryan, who grew up in a modest home in Tyne and Wear. “I didn’t particularly excel at school, but I see kids, particularly young boys now, who seem completely switched off from society and that is worrying. Whenever I do a school visit, I try to tell them about the kind of town I grew up in and I try to let them know that there is a way out. If a child can read when they leave school – and believe it some of them can’t – then they can do anything.

“I don’t want to be seen as some kind of Army recruitment officer in disguise, but for some people there is a lot to be said for that kind of life. I ended up in an organisation where failure wasn’t an option. If you didn’t pass any of the mental or physical tests you knew you would be kicked out and succeeding became a sense of personal pride.

“Of course, I have regrets, who doesn’t? However, when I look back I also know 100 per cent that the Army was the making of me.”

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Killing for the Company by Chris Ryan will be published on September 1 by Coronet, priced £18.99. He will be giving a talk at Cleckheaton Town Hall on September 5 at 7.30pm and to book tickets call 01484 223 200 or online at www.kirklees.gov.uk/townhalls.