On The Spot With John Wilson

What was your first job?

Milkman, aged nine. Totally illegal and I’m still on the run.

If not in your present job, what would you like to do?

Form an escape committee and dig a tunnel back to this job.

What was your worst mistake?

Thinking once that I might have made a mistake.

What would be your ideal day away from the office?

Travelling back to the office.

Name the one person you would most like to have dinner with.

Ho Chi Minh, Malcolm X and Robert Kilroy Silk. They all have the same birthday as me so if astrology is true we should all get on like a house on fire.

What was your best subject at school?

Home time. Closely followed by dinner time. I never let my schooling get in the way of my education.

What are your hobbies?

Tandem cycling, suing crooked lawyers, fire eating, unicycling, space hopping and glam rock.

What would you do if you won the Lotto?

Be very surprised, I never enter.

What is your top time-saving tip?

Why prevaricate today when you could prevaricate tomorrow?

What is your favourite time of the day and why?

Bedtime; because it will soon be time to get up again.

What is your favourite garment?

Dickie bows. Especially tastefully twirly and flashy ones.

What is the best thing about being in Yorkshire?

Not having to get here.

What would you like your epitaph to be?

The successful people are the ones that change the world so much no-one can imagine it was ever any different let alone who made it thus. So epitaphs are for failures. My ambition is to be forgotten. So far I am on track.