A hen with a funny walk and a cat with odd sized pupils add up to a strange week for the Yorkshire Vet, Julian Norton

Some odd things have happened this week.
It has been a strange week for JulianIt has been a strange week for Julian
It has been a strange week for Julian

"Julian, I have a hen to see this morning,” explained my colleague, with a confused look on her face. “I’ve looked on the clinical notes. You saw it last time and you have written it walks like John Cleese.”

She went on: “I wondered whether it was like this,” and my colleague demonstrated one of the famous manoeuvres from the Ministry of Silly Walks, “or like this…” and she demonstrated another. It was the second walk that I’d had in mind in my notes.

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It wasn’t even late enough in the day to be delirious through hypoglycaemia or exhaustion, yet we found ourselves laughing helplessly. A combination of general mickey taking of my clinical notes, recollection of Monty Python jokes and the funny walks was just too much. I could – and should – compile a whole essay on amusing clinical notes one day.

George did not seem to be affected by the change in his pupilsGeorge did not seem to be affected by the change in his pupils
George did not seem to be affected by the change in his pupils

The next odd thing was a dog. Its owner was extremely worried. Her beloved canine companion was in pain and had been for two days. Even worse, he had passed faeces in an unusual place. “He never usually goes there,” she explained.

I was less worried than the anxious owner, because I felt sure I would be able to ascertain the true cause. Going to the toilet in the wrong place might be odd, but there’s usually a reason, so I set about my questions and examination. There was a very obvious point of pain half way down the back, confirmed by shrieks and yelps.

“Has there been any accident that might have triggered this?” I asked.

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“Well, yes,” confirmed the anxious owner. “He was run into by a Giant Schnauzer whilst he was having a poo at the weekend. It was a hell of a collision and my husband got covered in flying poo. It was terrible.”

This was the crucial piece of information to slot into my diagnostic jigsaw but possibly slightly more information than I really needed to know. At least it would remove the requirement for an X-ray investigation.

A peculiar cat appeared later the same day, with a condition called anisocoria. This is the word to describe the appearance of the pupils if they are disparate sizes. It has several causes, some serious.

George, the elderly cat, seemed none-the-worse for his asymmetric pupils but I called in our budding vet student (he had recently run the gauntlet of the hit-and-miss A-level assessment and been offered a place at vet school). Photos were taken and mental notes made of another unusual condition.

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As the day drew to a close I thought it must be the end of the obscure and unusual, but as Fiona, our dynamic RVN, took a phone call, I could see her scribbling notes on a pad, with a concerned expression on her face. She had something else to add to this strange day, although not necessarily a veterinary task. I had just grabbed my gilet and headed for the door, hoping to get home in time for a quick bike ride before dark.

“Before you go Julian, there’s another message. It sounds quite serious. A farmer has just called. She’s lost five cows. Three have been found in a field in Burton Leonard – they’d been walking down the road at one point, one has been found in a field of oilseed rape and the other one has disappeared completely. What should I do?”

“Cows usually find a safe place,” I replied. It wasn’t really a veterinary issue. “They have a great self-preservation instinct. They’ll find a neighbouring farm with cows, even if it involves jumping a fence. Anyway, I’m not on call and today has been too weird, so I’m going home.”

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James Mitchinson