'Heartbroken': Bereaved family continuing fight against York ban on funeral mourners

Colin Dean died last weekend but his wife Marie, and children Louise and Barry, were told by City of York Council they would be unable to attend his funeral due to new rules which aimed to stop the spread of coronavirus and banned mourners from the crematoria.

The council said last week that it was following other local authorities and stopping all funeral services at cremations – a move which York Central MP Rachael Maskell said “was a step too far” and a possible breach of the UN Declaration of Human Rights.

In Leeds, Bradford, and Kirklees, new bookings for funerals are not being taken - with “direct cremations”, in which there is no ceremony and mourners are not present taking their place - but current arrangements are still going ahead.

And Walsall Council has become the latest local authority to close all access to cemeteries, citing “groups continuing to congregate despite Government guidelines regarding social distancing”.

But yesterday, City of York Council said it would now allow immediate family to stand outside the crematorium, but confirmed that “in all cases no mourners can be present inside the crematorium”.

However both Mr Dean’s family and Ms Maskell said this did not go far enough.

Kelsey Dobson, Mr Dean’s niece, said standing outside would be no different to the family being at home.

“They know what's happening inside but they're not there with him,” she said.

“My auntie, she's been married to my uncle for 42 years, and they've got two children together. It’s unthinkable for them to be stood outside of the building knowing that their husband and father is being committed and he's alone, it's awful.”

While Ms Maskell added: “York’s re-issued crematorium policy does not go far enough. I can’t understand why they are making this so hard for distraught families. It is going to have to change again.”

Last week, the Labour MP said: “This is a very difficult time for everyone, but when crowds are still in our supermarkets and working in warehouses across the city, to stop close family members being able to say goodbye to a child, a parent or partner is completely insensitive and deeply damaging.

“Funerals provide an important role in the grieving process, and to be denied such an opportunity will cause lasting pain for families.”

An online petition set up by Ms Dobson opposing the council’s policy had reached more than 3,500 signatures on Sunday morning.

Ms Dobson said she had again written to the council on Sunday seeking confirmation her petition would be considered despite the change in the rules.

She said she had been clear the family were not looking for a full ceremony.

She said: “The point I've really stressed is that I completely agree with the social distancing measures, we all need to be careful.

“But at a time when there are 50 people or so inside a supermarket, public transport is running and building sites, and the council is still allowing four bin men to sit in a van next to each other with no social distancing, all we’re asking is for three people to be in the service to say goodbye.”

She said that since setting up the petition she had been contacted by other families in similar positions.

And she said her own family was “distraught” over not being able to say their final goodbyes to Mr Dean, who had served for 16 years in 1st Battalion The King's Regimental Band and two years in the Green Howards, and whose death was not related to coronavirus.

“In any other normal circumstance they would be grieving for him, and they're heartbroken because they've lost him,” she said.

“But right now, they're not even getting to grieve, because they're just constantly worried about the fact that he's going to make that last journey, and his body's going to be committed, when his wife and his two children aren't going to be there.

“And so for them, I don’t think they're able to accept that he's gone right now, because they're just having to spend all the time fighting to try to be able to have the right to say goodbye.”

Council leader Keith Aspden said: “We know that the necessity of unattended cremation services will cause distress to many grieving people.

“The council took the agonising decision extremely reluctantly, but it is a policy that will ultimately save lives.

“We hope the arrangements to have a faith officiant or celebrant at funerals, confirmation that immediate families can attend York Crematorium and Fulford Cemetery, remaining outside, and that services of remembrance will be offered to all families, will offer people at least some comfort that their loved ones will be given the funeral rites appropriate to their religion, although they can’t be there with them.”

Government guidelines say funerals can still go ahead but should only be attended by immediate family, with social distancing in place.

Ms Maskell said: “City of York Council have not only been breaking hearts but also breaking the law.

“The Government guidance, drawn up by Public Health England was very clear that funerals should proceed, but the right precautions must also be put in place by limiting the attendance to close family members and ensuring that social distancing is put in place. Proper care of crematorium staff must also occur.

“I have had the privilege of reading about the lives of constituents who have recently passed away but also the pain and heartache of their families at being denied the opportunity to ‘say goodbye’ to their precious loved ones.

“One described the ruling as causing far more distress than the actual death, others describing how the enduring pain will never leave them of not being able to honour their lives with a simple service. My thoughts and prayers are with all those families grieving at this time.”

Paying tribute to Mr Dean, his wife and children released a statement which read: "Colin was a family man, he adored his wife, two children and granddaughters. Whoever he met or came across he would never fail to leave an impression and lovely memories with his infectious personality; he was life and soul of the party.

"Colin spent 18 years in the army serving our country in Northern Ireland and Germany, he loved music and played in a band for over 18 years. For the last 22 years, he worked for the military as a driving instructor. He was always very military with organising everything in sight and time keeping.

"He was a keen cyclist, body builder and competed in 19 marathons; he was always very competitive and loved grass tracking. He was also a loyal Manchester United fan.

"Above all, he had the biggest heart and personality; he would have time for anyone. I spent 42 happy and loving years of marriage with Colin and will miss him dearly. We all have a huge hole in our hearts now that he is gone, and all we want to do is give him the final journey he truly deserves with his wife and children. He was the very best husband and father we could have ever wished for."