Yorkshire daughter's tribute to Macmillan nurses who helped grant dying mother's three wishes

Having lost both parents to cancer within a few weeks of one another, Sheffield music teacher Anne Sheehan knows the strength of a dignified end.
Anne Sheehan, backing Macmillan cancer support after the incurable cancer diagnosis of both her parents. She walks to Spain last year, the Camino de Santiago, over 12 weeks, to raise money. Picture: Chris EtchellsAnne Sheehan, backing Macmillan cancer support after the incurable cancer diagnosis of both her parents. She walks to Spain last year, the Camino de Santiago, over 12 weeks, to raise money. Picture: Chris Etchells
Anne Sheehan, backing Macmillan cancer support after the incurable cancer diagnosis of both her parents. She walks to Spain last year, the Camino de Santiago, over 12 weeks, to raise money. Picture: Chris Etchells
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Her grief took her on a pilgrim's journey, walking from Sheffield to Santiago last year to raise £3,000 for the charity which funded them.

And as thousands of people prepare for Macmillan Cancer Support’s World’s Biggest Coffee Morning on Friday, such small acts as these matter, she says, to give a little back.

Anne Sheehan, backing Macmillan cancer support after the incurable cancer diagnosis of both her parents. She walks to Spain last year, the Camino de Santiago, over 12 weeks, to raise money. Picture: Chris EtchellsAnne Sheehan, backing Macmillan cancer support after the incurable cancer diagnosis of both her parents. She walks to Spain last year, the Camino de Santiago, over 12 weeks, to raise money. Picture: Chris Etchells
Anne Sheehan, backing Macmillan cancer support after the incurable cancer diagnosis of both her parents. She walks to Spain last year, the Camino de Santiago, over 12 weeks, to raise money. Picture: Chris Etchells
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To ensure that that gift of kindness, in ensuring her mother's dying wishes were met, is passed on to the next in a long line.

"As one, small, poorly person you can get lost in a great big system," she said. "With Macmillan, you're not one small, poorly person.

"It's fantastic that there are people there who can help you through that."

Double diagnosis

Anne Sheehan's father Ray Kerry, in his rock climbing heyday. Picture: Chris EtchellsAnne Sheehan's father Ray Kerry, in his rock climbing heyday. Picture: Chris Etchells
Anne Sheehan's father Ray Kerry, in his rock climbing heyday. Picture: Chris Etchells

There was cycling, rock climbing, and even as a tiny baby she had been born to fit into their lifestyle, she laughs, camping from an early age.

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They had stayed fit and well until later in life, when Jean was diagnosed with bowel cancer. It was operable, and she had seemed to recover, but the cancer had spread to her lungs.

"She was in her mid 80s by then, she was very philosophical about it," said Mrs Sheehan, 61.

Anne Sheehan's mother Jean Kerry, a keen cyclist. Mrs Sheehan is a fundraiser for Macmillan Cancer Support since the charity offered support to her mum in her final days.Anne Sheehan's mother Jean Kerry, a keen cyclist. Mrs Sheehan is a fundraiser for Macmillan Cancer Support since the charity offered support to her mum in her final days.
Anne Sheehan's mother Jean Kerry, a keen cyclist. Mrs Sheehan is a fundraiser for Macmillan Cancer Support since the charity offered support to her mum in her final days.

"Then, out of the blue one day, my dad felt short of breath. It turned out that he had a different kind of lung cancer."

Ray was offered experimental surgery, but it would have meant several months in bed or in hospital, and he had declined so that he could care for his wife at home.

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"He was given a year to live," said Mrs Sheehan. "He just carried on, seemingly as fit as ever, and totally dedicated to looking after my mum."

Tragic loss

Ray and Jean Kerry, keen rock climbers before their incurable cancer diagnoses. Picture: Chris EtchellsRay and Jean Kerry, keen rock climbers before their incurable cancer diagnoses. Picture: Chris Etchells
Ray and Jean Kerry, keen rock climbers before their incurable cancer diagnoses. Picture: Chris Etchells

"I don't think she would have lasted much longer at home," said Mrs Sheehan. "She did get, albeit briefly, a new lease of life."

Her mother had three wishes, before she died. To see her garden and check on her flowers, something the Macmillan team arranged.

To see her granddaughter's first steps, something toddler Amelie was happy to oblige on a visit to the nursing home, and to see her husband, now in hospital himself, for the final time.

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"It was a wonderful reunion," says Mrs Sheehan. "After that, it was like she'd ticked all the boxes. A couple of days later, she passed away. My mum had as dignified end as possible."

Just weeks after his wife's death at 87, Ray was to join her, aged 85.

Ray and Jean Kerry, in later life, before their incurable cancer diagnoses.Ray and Jean Kerry, in later life, before their incurable cancer diagnoses.
Ray and Jean Kerry, in later life, before their incurable cancer diagnoses.

"He'd been putting mind over matter, and keeping himself well for my mum, but he was exhausted," said Mrs Sheehan. "He'd had enough. Five weeks after my mum passed away, he passed away.

"He died in hospital. It wasn't a dignified end, which puts into perspective the help that Macmillan had been for my mum."

Macmillan support

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The support Macmillan gave didn't end there, Mrs Sheehan adds. The nurses came to the funeral, calling her afterwards to check on her wellbeing.

"That was really touching," she said. "And it was really helpful, for me.

"With mum, we'd all said our goodbyes and come to terms with it. With dad, I didn't feel I'd had that conversation with him, to let him know we were alright.

"The Macmillan nurse said not to worry. She'd had that conversation, and she assured me he was ready to go.

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"He was tired, he loved mum, and he knew that me, the boys and the grandkids were going to be OK. He was ready to go, and that helped to close things for me.

"I owe Macmillan a lot for that. I'm sure that's not in anyone's job description."