Yorkshire man shares emotional story of wife's breast cancer diagnosis

A man from Yorkshire whose wife was diagnosed with breast cancer has shared his emotional journey of her ordeal in a bid to help others.
Garrey and Karen Haase.Garrey and Karen Haase.
Garrey and Karen Haase.

Garrey Haase's wife Karen had gone for a routine mammogram on May 13, only to receive a letter 10 days later saying there was an anomaly on the screening and she needed to go to for a follow up appointment.

The letter explained that 97 per cent of women who receive the letter Karen had were absolutely fine and should not worry.

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The couple, from Knaresborough, who run their own opticians, were therefore shocked when Karen was given her diagnosis.

Garrey and Karen Haase.Garrey and Karen Haase.
Garrey and Karen Haase.

In his blog, Garrey, 55, writes: "The 28th of May was the day that our lives changed and we heard the news that nobody ever wants to hear, 'We are sorry to say it looks like you have got a cancerous lump in your breast. Don't worry, we will do a biopsy on the lump and if it is confirmed we will arrange an appointment for you in Harrogate to see the specialist who will explain everything to you. It is a very small lump and it is at a very early stage.’

"I remember leaving that hospital with Karen thinking, I need to be strong for her, I cannot let her see the terror and fear that is running through me at this moment, I need to make sure that I am there for her every single step of the way.

"We got in the car, sat and talked things through quite sensibly without emotion, very matter-of-fact, decided that now was the time we had to tell her mother and that now was the time we had to tell the children.

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"Later that day we sat down with our four children and explained the situation to them. Looking at their faces I could see bewilderment and questions forming, however none of them quite knew what to say or ask."

A week later, Karen, 49, received a phone call from York Hospital telling her the lump was cancerous and an appointment had been made for her to see a specialist in Harrogate

Garrey said: "This was the time, when as a husband, I went through the emotion of why, why my wife and why can’t I take this from her and have it myself, so that she doesn’t have the pain and suffering. You also got through the what ifs, but at this stage I cannot share it with Karen as it is still very early in the diagnostic process. It is seven days before her 49th birthday."

The consultant at Harrogate reassured the couple the lump was small and easily removable and with the possibility of radiotherapy Karen would be fine. A date of July 4, was set for Karen to have the lumpectomy.

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Garrey writes: "We leave the hospital and go to see her parents and explain everything that has been said.

"At this point I become very aware that as a patient Karen has not heard an awful lot of what has been said and so my role changes, because I’ve paid attention to what the doctor has said. So I am able to explain exactly what is going to happen and the timescale to Karen’s parents and the fact that we have been reassured by the doctors that the type of cancer that Karen has is fairly common, easily treated and very rarely returns in any form."

Garrey recalls meeting friends and explaining what was happening and how useless he felt.

Karen had her surgery on July 4, only to be told they needed to remove more cancerous cells 10 days later. She was then given the news that the cancer had not spread into her blood or lymphatic system and was contained to a small area of her breast.

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She had her second procedure on July 25, to then be told the difficult news that doctors still hadn't been able to get a clear margin from the operation and the only course of action was a full mastectomy.

A date was set for August 30.

"Karen being the patient didn’t always come away with the correct information or the full story and so my role was to ensure that the family got a true picture of what was happening," Garrey said.

" I also had to make sure that I attended every appointment with Karen, which meant juggling my work and business around her almost weekly visits to the hospital.

"Karen said she had the easy job because all she had to do was go through the procedures and get better whereas I had to ensure that everybody was OK and if she didn’t survive I would be left picking up the pieces. Of course this may be true in reality, but, it doesn’t make her job any easier and again I found being by her side was more important than anything else in the world."

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She would need to have regular appointments until the reconstruction process was complete.

At the end of November, it was decided Karen would have a check up every three months.

Garrey said: "We both sat there in disbelief because for the last four-and-a-half months we had been at the hospital almost every single week and so to be told they wouldn't see us now for another three months was a shock.

"I wondered what I would do with my Wednesday afternoons if we didn't see the specialists."

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Reflecting on their journey, Garrey said the past year has taught him how doing the "little things" for a partner can mean so much to them.

He said: "The patient, the person with the illness, appreciates every small detail, but also reacts to every small detail and often a minor challenging situation that would not normally phase them, becomes a major crisis, so dealing with those challenges for them can be a tremendous relief for them.

"It has taught me that talking about your emotions and feelings and sharing them with family and friends is really important and it is OK to say you are worried, it is OK to say you are scared and it is OK to cry if that is what you need."