Yorkshire woman so close to death from anorexia she planned her own funeral credits charity that saved her life

At her lowest point, Jess Bramhall planned her own funeral, with her parents told four times to prepare for her death.

Her battle with an eating disorder had been a decade-long cycle and, weighing less than the average eight-year-old, she had wished for it all to end.

It took an intervention, to see her worth. And while it was a lengthy process, to reclaim her identity, she is now determined to help others.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

She knows what it means to fall into that spiral of despair, she says, to a point where it no longer feels as if life is worth living.

Jess Bramhall battled an eating disorder, her family told four times to prepare for her death. With help from the City Hearts Charity, she regained her health and now works with other young people. Picture: Chris EtchellsJess Bramhall battled an eating disorder, her family told four times to prepare for her death. With help from the City Hearts Charity, she regained her health and now works with other young people. Picture: Chris Etchells
Jess Bramhall battled an eating disorder, her family told four times to prepare for her death. With help from the City Hearts Charity, she regained her health and now works with other young people. Picture: Chris Etchells

"I always used to say 'I couldn't do life', it was just too much for me," said Miss Bramhall, now 38. "It became my motto.

"It was a horrible, horrible time. Had I been able to, I would have killed myself. I was just waiting to die."

Rebelling

Miss Bramhall, born in Bradford, had moved to the States at the age of six, where her mother had become extremely unwell.

Jess Bramhall battled an eating disorder through her late teens and 20s, her weight dropping to such dangerous levels she was advised to plan her funeral.Jess Bramhall battled an eating disorder through her late teens and 20s, her weight dropping to such dangerous levels she was advised to plan her funeral.
Jess Bramhall battled an eating disorder through her late teens and 20s, her weight dropping to such dangerous levels she was advised to plan her funeral.
Hide Ad
Hide Ad

When the family returned to England, her mother stayed for treatment. On her return, Miss Bramhall had begun rebelling.

By the age of 14, she had already attended 10 different schools, and she felt as if her life were out of her control.

"I was so bitter," says Miss Bramhall. "At school I was the model child. At home I was pushing all the boundaries.

"I started to develop really bad depression. I got quite paranoid, to the point where I wouldn't leave the house.

Now aged 38, Jess Bramhall has turned her life around with support from Sheffield's City Hearts programme, and now works for the charity supporting others.Now aged 38, Jess Bramhall has turned her life around with support from Sheffield's City Hearts programme, and now works for the charity supporting others.
Now aged 38, Jess Bramhall has turned her life around with support from Sheffield's City Hearts programme, and now works for the charity supporting others.
Hide Ad
Hide Ad

"I never felt involved," she adds. "I was always the one with the funny accent, always the youngest. I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere.

"Because of all the changes, I became a control obsessive. I couldn't control anything, but I could control my food."

What started off as rules around healthy eating had quickly escalated.

Read More
Yorkshire women share their pain over 'catastrophic' impact of endometriosis
Jess Bramhall's battle with an eating disorder tore away at her sense of self, she says, to the point where she no longer wanted to live. She now hopes to use her experience to help others at charity City Hearts facing challenging issues.Jess Bramhall's battle with an eating disorder tore away at her sense of self, she says, to the point where she no longer wanted to live. She now hopes to use her experience to help others at charity City Hearts facing challenging issues.
Jess Bramhall's battle with an eating disorder tore away at her sense of self, she says, to the point where she no longer wanted to live. She now hopes to use her experience to help others at charity City Hearts facing challenging issues.

"The weight just dropped off me," she says. "I was terrified, I could see it happening, but I couldn't change my rules.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

"I couldn't look in the mirror, not because I thought I was fat, but because I could see my bones. I felt sick, by how emaciated I was."

Miss Bramhall was to be diagnosed with anorexia and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and admitted to an adolescent unit.

But it was to be the start of a dangerous cycle, she says. She would get 'well', and return home, only to be re-admitted, 12 times in total.

By the time she started university, she was deemed too old for children's treatment, and was admitted to an adult acute ward.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

"This was the first time I realised how ill I was," she said. "I was on a drip, next to people who were dying.

She knows what it's like to reach the depths of despair, says Jess Bramhall from Sheffield, who battled an eating disorder. With the help of charity City Hearts, she adds, she was able to turn her life around and she now works there as a support worker to aid others facing similar challenge. Image: Chris Etchells.She knows what it's like to reach the depths of despair, says Jess Bramhall from Sheffield, who battled an eating disorder. With the help of charity City Hearts, she adds, she was able to turn her life around and she now works there as a support worker to aid others facing similar challenge. Image: Chris Etchells.
She knows what it's like to reach the depths of despair, says Jess Bramhall from Sheffield, who battled an eating disorder. With the help of charity City Hearts, she adds, she was able to turn her life around and she now works there as a support worker to aid others facing similar challenge. Image: Chris Etchells.

"It all made my OCD so much worse. I was often suicidal, I just wanted everything to end. I wanted to disappear.

"Four times, my parents were told 'this is it', I was going to die. I was advised to plan my own funeral, so I did. I pulled through, every time."

The clinical cycle of treatment, she argues, hadn't worked for her. With every admission to hospital had come more rules, more restraint.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

Believing she'd exhausted what the NHS had to offer, she turned to a charity in Sheffield in 2010.

Enrolling on City Hearts' restore programme, for women with life-controlling issues, she had initially only agreed to stay for four weeks.

Fourteen months later, after graduating the programme, she returned as a volunteer. She now works as a full-time support worker.

"All my life I had just wanted to get things right, just to be normal," she says.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

"I felt nobody could help me, but there was something about this place. Here, I wasn't a patient, I wasn't a bed number. I was Jess.

"They genuinely cared. They believed in me, and I'm so glad they did.

"Now, I don't want what I've been through to be wasted, when I can help other people. I can use it for good."

For support and guidance visit Beat, the UK's eating disorder charity.