You introduce him to a 93-year-old woman who has seen it all before, who has no need to impress and sit back and watch him turn into an awkward overblown schoolboy.
If anyone should ever doubt the relevance of the Royal family you only had to witness Donald Trump meeting the Queen. With an outstretched hand awkwardly grabbed, she totally emasculated this most macho of posturing politicians. In doing so she did what many have tried and failed to do with their war of words against a man as thick-skinned as an American armoured vehicle. She turned someone who relishes being a political Rottweiler into a whimpering, simpering,puppy dog. And it was a joy to watch.
You can protest all you like. That is your democratic right, a right, by the way, which the Americans fought to preserve alongside us in the Second World War. You can refuse to attend a state banquet or even decide to address a rally in opposition but that is only behaving as unstatesmanlike and being as petty as he is. You can, like the Mayor of London, just give him the excuse to do what he does best and fight back at those who dare to criticise him.
Donald Trump will not give a damn. There is nothing he likes better than an argument. What he does not know is how to respond to is charm and good manners. You can’t fight ignorance with ignorance.
Donald Trump doesn’t care about anyone but Donald Trump. What he does care about are the pictures of him and his family meeting the Queen being beamed across the world. The Queen has far too much class for a man who has so little, which is why he was on his best behaviour to the point of being subservient. Talking of class, Melania you chose a demure outfit said by some to be reminiscent of the late Princess Diana. And you should have curtsied. But at least you made the effort.
It is often said the Queen is never political and her son, our future king, shouldn’t be either. But boy does she know how to deal with politicians. I suspect her son does too. It wouldn’t surprise me if Mr President announces some new initiative on climate change just to please him, when all others have failed to force him to do so.
Donald Trump’s state visit has all felt a bit like inviting your least favourite relative to the family do. You didn’t really want to, but you know you should do for the sake of peace and harmony. According to the president, we now have not just a special relationship but “eternal friendship”. Oh and the promise of a trade deal which we will certainly need post-Brexit whether we like it, or not.
Yes, there was more important trade to be done this week than trading insults. But this visit was as much about the past as the future and the protesters, including the politicians, would have done well to have remembered that. This was a visit about self sacrifice not self- serving politics.
Today the Queen will accompany President Trump to the anniversary celebrations of the D-Day landings in Portsmouth. And it is right that they do so together. He is the democratically elected leader of one of our greatest wartime allies.
The Queen got it right it when she said it was a battalion of joint forces that landed in Normandy and that we should be reminded of all that our countries have shared together. We should be reminded also during this 75th anniversary that this was a battle we could not have won on our own. As many Americans died fighting during the D-Day landings as troops and civilians from our shores, as they fought the common enemy. Actually more. No fake news there.
Look, I don’t like the man for so many reasons both politically and personally. Above all I detest his brand of divisive, knee-jerk politics. But this week I have rather enjoyed the fact it took a woman to control his ill-mannered rhetoric and bring him to heel for a few days at least.
As we bid a less-than-fond farewell to Mr President, may I offer one word of advice to those who would prefer a more presidential style of governance without a Royal family. As the Queen and Donald Trump stood side by side, our countries once again shoulder to shoulder, I know who stood the tallest. And it wasn’t the President of the United States. Sir, we do not need you to tell us our Queen is a “great, great” woman who has served her country for decades. We know that. Fortunately you can only serve yours for eight years at the most.
We also know Her Majesty can trump you any day. She just has.