'I'm not a marriage wrecker. I just help unhappy women leave a loveless marriage.'

The divorce coach has written a book to help unhappy women '¨considering leaving their husbands. Catherine Scott reports.

Emma Heptonstall has been accused of being a marriage wrecker and of encouraging women to leave their husbands.

She vehemently denies the first, but admits the second – as is borne out by her new book, launched tomorrow and entitled ‘How to be a Lady Who Leaves.’

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“I’ve been doing divorce coaching for two and half years but I wanted to make my message more accessible and so I decided to write a book,” explains Emma, who has never been divorced, or married for that matter.

“My purpose is to help women transform through their divorce experience, enabling them to gain clarity on what they want and need so that they can move forward with confidence knowing that they made the right decisions at the right time.

“It about helping smart women feel in control of their situation. I have been accused of being a marriage wrecker, but I am a great believer in marriage, but a good marriage.

“If a woman, or a man for that matter, is in a loveless marriage then all I do is help them pick through the minefield of divorce. It doesn’t have to be acrimonious.”

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Emma, from York, was for many years a lawyer before becoming a family mediator.

It was during this time that she realised that there had to be a better was for a marriage to end.

“I would be in court for a case scheduled for six days and costing a small fortune. I’d benefited from some coaching and I started to use some of the techniques I’d leant to work with the couples and found that it came to a resolution without having to go to court.”

Two and half years ago, after becoming a Master Practitioner in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Emma set up her own divorce coaching business, ‘The Divorce Alchemist’.

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She is also the creator of ‘Understanding Divorce – 30 Daily Lessons’, a support resource, and has shared her wisdom in the media.

She coaches women, and some men, through the divorce process, and her clients are mainly from London, the Home Counties and West and North Yorkshire, with some overseas clients too.

“I spend five or six weeks a year in Vietnam working with the expat community out there,” says Emma.

She also very aware of the toll divorce can take on children.

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“I often hear people say they are staying in a marriage ‘because of the children.’ But often that is an excuse as they just don’t have the courage to leave.

“A lot of psychological research has shown that children are damaged more by an unhappy marriage than a happy divorce. Children must come first and foremost in any divorce,” says Emma. “I also believe that it is very important to show children that you can free yourself from unhappiness and show them that your life is your own responsibility.

“It is incredibly important to honour the past and the love you once had for each other.”

Emma Heptonstall, will host the launch event of her first book ‘How to be a Lady Who Leaves’ at The Grand Hotel, York, tomorrow at 7pm.

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Tickets cost £15 and includ include prosecco and canapés and a signed copy of the book. Ticket numbers are limited so pre-book. The 240-page, illustrated, paperback book is published by Librotas (RRP £14.99) www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/how-to-be-a-lady-who-leaves-book-launch-tickets-34969742441.

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