Top tips for keeping mum/daughter relationship bond

Corinne Sweet, who is working with Interflora on its Mother’s Day campaign says: “Certainly, communication is important, and many women surveyed by Interflora admitted that having a good ‘gossip’ with their mother, and sharing nights out, or shopping trips, are a popular way of bonding.

“One of the perennial psychological issues is whether your mother is your friend, or your mother? Some women reported they like to go out dressed the same as their mums, or swap clothes and make up. Sharing hobbies, books and magazines (and presumably box sets of Poldark or Mad Men) are also popular.

“However, most psychologists would argue that keeping the mother-daughter relationship intact is more important than trying to either be quasi-friends or ersatz-siblings. It is more emotionally healthy to keep a boundary and for mothers to stay in role – as mothers.

“Otherwise daughters have nowhere to go for that impartial and sometimes tough, advice and love, that needs dishing out from time to time.

“Also, with 1-in-2 marriages dissolving these days (according to Relate), and co-habitation being on the increase, mothers need to watch that they do not fill their life gaps with their daughters.”

Depending too closely or too much on a child can be emotionally damaging to them, as daughters need to separate, move away and become themselves, so they can fall in love, says Sweet.

“So all the shared experiences, hobbies, nights out, need to have very firm boundaries. TMI should be a watchword. Even so, mothers and daughters can certainly have fun together”

TIPS FOR MUMS:

Remember who the daughter is

Be there, but don’t be too nosy

Listen – but don’t judge

Get support from someone other than your daughter

Love is given best unconditionally.

TIPS FOR DAUGHTERS:

Have fun with your mum, but have friends, too

Don’t tell everything

Listen and help her, but don’t save her, if she is lonely

Be independent – show your mum you are competent alone

Say ‘thank you’ and don’t take her for granted.

Corinne Sweet is a leading relationship psychologist, journalist, broadcaster and published author of 14 books including the much acclaimed Birth Begins at Forty. Corinne is a separated working mother of a daughter now at university

www.interflora.co.uk/content/turning-into-mum