Life on the ocean wave

Can I dine with the captain? was the big question firmly dealt with in the FAQs on the website. Answer: “No”. Then there are the plaintive supplementaries: “Can I dine with an officer?” Maybe. “If I send a doctor’s letter to you will this guarantee a dining position?” Don’t bother.

Of course, cruise veterans know that even with a dozen voyages notched up, there is no guarantee of a seat at the captain’s table. But I’m a cruise virgin with all sorts of preconceptions to be disabused.

I’m booked on P&O’s Azura, one of the biggest ships in their fleet and that means tower block big, 19 decks big. Big enough to hold 3,100 passengers in 1,550 cabins and 1,226 crew, 12 bars, nine restaurants, four swimming pools, gym, spa, casino, theatre and shopping mall. What no golf course? Actually the golf nets are on deck 19.

It’s a cruise round the Mediterranean with a food lovers theme. Seven ports, five countries in 14 days with cookery demonstrations, tastings, masterclasses and meals at classy restaurants ashore.

I’m going to be on board for just five days and I’m still grappling with those FAQs. “What ply is the toilet paper?” Two-ply. “Can I bring a cat ?” No. “Can I wear camouflage clothing on board?” Yes. “Can we scatter ashes at sea?” Yes. More pressing, at least for me, “Is there a dress code on board?” You bet there is. It sends me racing out looking for cocktail dresses and “evening casual”.

So it’s with some trepidation I arrive at Southampton’s Ocean Terminal. My luggage is swiftly whisked away to my cabin. All I have to do is stroll on board, have a bite of lunch and find my room. So far, so much less stressful than a budget airline.

The cabin, sorry stateroom, is gorgeous. There are cheaper, inside cabins, but if you can splash out on a superior one you get a room as luxurious and spacious as any four star hotel. A king-size bed, spruce in crisp white linens, a bathroom en-suite, a lounge with sofa, coffee table, TV and extras like a world atlas, a pair of binoculars, magazines, fruit, chocolate and a bottle of champagne. The best bit though is your own balcony and the ocean.

“Welcome aboard,” comes a voice over the Tannoy. “Why not acquaint yourself with the ship?” I set off for the “Sailaway Party” high on deck 16. In good time. Finding your way around a ship that is 950ft long, 118ft wide, with a bewildering maze of lifts and staircases, needs a map.

I have a map. Old Azura hands, and many are well beyond retirement age, move purposefully from deck to deck, while newbies are easy to spot, clutching our maps and trying to make sense of fore and aft and midships before collaring a likely young officer for help.

Deck 16 is so high – the ship extends 193ft above the water line – I’m risking vertigo. A glass of champagne steadies the nerves and it’s thrilling to watch this mighty white palace throw its lines and glide slowly out of Southampton Water to the sound of the ship’s band playing Roll Out the Barrel and Maybe it’s Because I’m a Londoner. As we head for the Solent a lone family on the quayside wave us off with their union flags.

Ahead, days at sea alternate with shore stops at La Coruna, Gibraltar, Ajaccio, Rome, Monte Carlo, Barcelona, Valencia before returning to Southampton.

On the first sea day I stroll the quarter mile round the deck, book myself a manicure and take in a cookery demonstration by the Michelin-starred chef of London’s Benares restaurant, Atul Kochhar. He has designed the ship’s Sindhu Indian restaurant where we lunch on the dishes he’s shown us: soft shell crab, seabass with coconut milk and tandoori chicken. It’s all delicious.

When we dock at La Coruna, Kochhar accompanies a party of us to the fish market and hosts a fulsome lunch at the stunning Mirador de San Pedro a glass walled restaurant with superb Atlantic views where we have a spectacular seafood meal. The wine flows. We are late. “A ship never waits” is the mantra. It’s only having Kochhar with us that saves from a roasting from the Captain, but we’ve had a memorable day.

We swear we’ll never eat again but of course we do. With nine different restaurants on Azura, meals punctuate the sea days. A buffet operates round the clock.

The poolside pizzeria means you 
need never leave your sunbed, Restaurant XVII has its own al fresco terrace, Sindhu does Indian, the Glasshouse does tapas.

Afternoon tea in the wood panelled Peninsular restaurant is my highlight. It’s the real deal: starched linen, a bevy of waiters hovering with teapots and as much as you can eat of dainty sandwiches, teacakes, crumpets, scones with jam and clotted cream and petite cakes. Carb heaven.

Whoever designed the gym with its rows of running machines and 180 degree view at the prow, must have fondly imagined that with all the calorie loading we’d be in there burning them off again. Some hope. Good intentions are thwarted by the idle pleasures of lying by the pool and watching films on the giant “sun screen”, or choosing from the daily programme of activities: I failed to make it to yoga, painting, dance lessons, or bridge. On black tie nights we out-spangle each other in sparkle and sequins over cocktails at sunset, dinner then cabaret, karaoke, an Elton John tribute act, on into the small hours. More good intentions of early nights fall apart.

When Azura slips into Gibraltar at dawn, my leg of the cruise is done.

My wardrobe, with some formidable competition, just about held up.

I didn’t see a whale or a dolphin through my complimentary binoculars as we crossed a placid Bay of Biscay but, champagne to hand on my private balcony, it was no hardship trying.

Floating facts

Atul Kochhar is travelling on five cruises to various destinations including the Mediterranean and Caribbean in 2013.

Fares from £929 for a 12-night Canary Islands cruise on Azura departing and returning to Southampton on October 20, 2013.

To book, visit www.pocruises.co.uk or call 0843 373 0111.