Accidental glimpse into world of Facebook bullying

The internet has opened up a whole new way of doing things and that includes bullying. What is particularly sinister about this type of bullying is even though its non-physical, it can hit victims quite deeply psychologically, with the added disadvantage that it's less likely to be witnessed by anyone and therefore stopped.

What you have here are two issues, a double dilemma if you like; firstly, helping your son if he is being bullied and then the equally challenging privacy matter between you. Judging whether he is being bullied is going to have to be part guesswork and part direct questioning. He's not exactly coming home from school with a ripped shirt and a black eye, but if you feel his personality has changed then you may be on to something. Additionally, he may not even feel he is being bullied, seeing it merely as boys' banter, so you need to ask him directly, but carefully and respectfully, what's going on.

He is going to feel sensitive and maybe ashamed and threatened not only because this is happening to him, but also because it's happening in his own home, making him feel nowhere is safe. What most bully victims fear is by telling someone it will make it worse, but behind this issue is a real opportunity to not only teach your son a grown-up lesson, but teach you how to become closer as a family. Although being bullied can sometimes damage self-esteem for life, you can empower him. He obviously doesn't want to be seen as a baby, needing his mother's help, so talk to him about what you suspect and let him know you're there for him if he needs you and that the adult way to deal with this is to either ignore them, or shop them, and leave it for him to decide. Also, tell him you'll support whichever option he chooses. This gives him the choice but also

the support.

The second issue is, of course, the trust element of you seeing his private messages. My advice would be to be totally honest, apologise and promise it will never happen again and that you respect his privacy. Good communication is the key. Keep your word by respecting his privacy but keep a close but discreet eye on him for a while. The issue may indeed go away, but should it persist then readdress it and come up with a plan together.

n Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach and best- selling author. If you have a dilemma, ask Alex by going to www.AlexandraWatson.com