Baby talk – how to read signs and communicate

Ever since she was a child, Vivien Sabel has had a gift for reading the emotions of those closest to her by tuning into the tiniest movements of the body.

Brought up by a deaf mother, she learned from a very early age how to communicate in a non-verbal world. Touch and sign were everything to enable Vivien to understand what her mother, Hilda McGee, now 80, was trying to say.

Now Vivien is using her skills to help parents understand what their babies are saying to them long before they begin to speak.

“I grew up with a heightened sensitivity to the significance of actions and expressions and often sensed my mum’s frustration at not being fully understood by those around her, observing fleeting moments of distress in the tiniest movement of her eyes,” explains Vivien.

“I didn’t want my own baby to have to go through that frustration if she was trying to communicate.

“When my daughter Blossom was born six years ago, I was amazed at how much this tiny infant was trying to tell me even in the first few days and weeks of her life and I realised that other parents would benefit from learning how to read their babies’ body language.”

A qualified psychotherapist, Vivien who lives in Pateley Bridge, has made a career out of addressing the differences between what people say and what they really mean.

Blossom’s arrival added a new dimension to Vivien’s knowledge of body language and she was keen to undertake further studies and share her findings so that other mothers and fathers could develop a deeper understanding of their children’s very earliest attempts to communicate.

“Whilst pregnant I became intrigued as to how our baby would tell us what she needed us to know; what visual messages would she provide?

“Was there a way of communicating more closely with a baby than had previously been thought? If babies were capable of expressing more, were we somehow not ‘hearing’ them?” says Vivien.

“Every parent is overwhelmed by their newborn child but there was something very primal in me that made me mirror back Blossom’s mouth movements and body language.

“Incredibly, as I mirrored Blossom’s tongue pushing or mouth shapes she did it back to me more, even in the very early weeks of her life.

“Not all babies use the same behaviour to communicate; each child is different. Parents who are interested in testing my theory would need to ‘tune in’ to their own baby, and, through close observation of even the slightest variations in body-language, learn to identify patterns and pick up on what they mean.

“I do believe, however, that a much greater level of communication is possible between all babies and their parents than we expect, and that babies whose messages are understood begin life less frustrated, and are consequently more likely to be happy and secure.”

Vivien studied Blossom’s movements carefully and was soon able to give meaning to certain expressions. Before long she could detect in advance when Blossom was about to cry, fill her nappy or even become unwell.

“I know when Blossom is going to be ill about 24 to 36 hours before she shows any physical symptoms,” says Vivien.

This knowledge is remarkable in itself, but for Vivien the real power of her findings is that it enables parents to show their infants that they are being listened to.

“The reassurance a baby gets from knowing its carer is listening is certain to have a big impact on their relationship as well as on the self-confidence of the child.”

Now at primary school, Blossom continues to communicate with her mother and grandmother using touch and by interpreting body language.

“Blossom instinctively taps my mum on the shoulder to get her attention and waits until she is looking at her before trying to speak. Their relationship is incredibly close.”

During Vivien’s research she worked with North Yorkshire mum Cat Johnson and her baby Sebastian. Sebastian was just ten weeks old when they embarked on a project that forms a major part of Vivien’s book on baby body language.

The book shows parents and carers how to read tiny signs for themselves, teaching the art of observation and demonstrating how to mirror a baby’s expressions to reassure them that they are being understood.

“I’ve tried to make it easy to read with the aim of supporting mums and dads as they learn more about their babies,” says Vivien. “The manuscript is now complete and I’m hoping to go into print with a publisher who is as excited as I am about my findings.

Vivien taught Cat how to use mirroring techniques to show Sebastian that he was being heard.

“Cat has learned a huge amount about Sebastian’s body language and facial expressions,” says Vivien. “She has learnt to pick up on his emotions and respond to him before he cries and she says he is calmer and happier as a result.”

Vivien says that frustration at not being understood is something she remembers seeing so often in her mother and can be a problem for many people, whether they are too young to speak, have hearing difficulties or simply have trouble communicating their true feelings.

“From a young age I realised that it wasn’t just deaf people who had trouble communicating with others – misunderstanding was all around me.”

Vivien’s upbringing relied more on non-verbal communication than on words and she developed her knowledge even further when she took a course in Deaf Studies at Bristol University.

Her studies led her into a career as a sign language interpreter but she found the work isolating and went on to take a role as chief executive of a national charity for sensory impairment and learning disability before going back to university to begin training as a psychotherapist.

She is now one of only 25 UK-based clinicians who is both fluent in sign language and clinically trained and has helped to train deaf people to become therapists.

“There is a real need for signing therapists who can meet the cultural and linguistic needs of the people they work with. Also, the relationship between therapist and client is very intense and having a third person in the room acting as a sign language interpreter is inhibiting,” explains Vivien.

Vivien’s latest work on baby body language has been received with interest by her peers in the field of communication and body language.

“Very little research has been carried out in this area until now and I am keen to talk about it in a way that will help others and affirm other parents in their instincts,” says Vivien.

“We begin to communicate with our world long before we can talk, in the earliest hours of life, and learning to listen to what is being said can help to create an incredible bond.”

Vivien lives and works in Yorkshire and runs clinics from the Cygnet Hospital in Harrogate.