Expert Answers: Fears for children’s internet safety

The internet is one of the most useful tools if used properly.

Family charity, parentline plus.org.uk, has come up with a list of tips to try to keep your children safe while online.

• If possible make sure the computer is in a family room.

• Show an interest in what your child is doing on the net but try for a balance between respecting their privacy and making sure they don’t feel the need to be secretive.

• Agree rules such as never giving out contact details and make sure that your child knows why they should never give out their full name, home address, telephone number or email address.

• Agree with your child what they can and can’t have access to on the net. Insist they don’t download anything from pop-ups that can appear on the screen. These are often pornographic. Ask them to fetch you if the pop-ups keep reappearing as they can be very persistent. Software like Net Nanny or Adware can be installed to block undesirable sites or pop-ups.

• Also, there are special types of software that can be installed to block unwanted sites or pop-ups. They offer online activity monitoring, recording and blocking. This software protects your children and gives you the comfort of knowing that you are protecting them without stopping them from using the internet. It also means that you can know at all times what your children are doing when online and are able to put a stop to any potential threats and dangerous situations that might appear. Read reviews on the best software available (for example on www.reviewcentre.com) before making your choice.

• Remember some young people will use chat rooms to “reinvent” themselves which is perfectly normal.

• Use this opportunity to talk to your children about related issues such as sex and relationships.

• Don’t just have one-off conversations about keeping safe.

• Ask your internet service provider what service they offer to protect your family.

• You may have heard of websites like MySpace, Bebo and Facebook. These are social networking sites where your children can share their photos and news with their friends, as well as making new friends online. These have really taken off over the last few of years.

Paul Charlson

GP from Brough

IT is becoming more difficult protecting children from dangers on the internet since there are constantly evolving dangers. Just as you want to keep your child safe in the real world, you will want to do the same in the virtual world. However, with vigilance, it is possible for them to experience the internet positively and join in the social interaction young people enjoy and need with their peers. Talk to them and get to know how they use the internet; ask to see some of their favourite sites. Make them aware that there are things on there which may upset them and that they can always talk to you. Be aware of any changes in the way they use the internet, such as the amount of time they spend online. Make sure your children know not to share their personal details online, such as their address and phone number. Think about installing filtering software to restrict access to inappropriate websites. Check with your internet service provider to learn how to block sites you don’t want children to see.

Elaine Douglas

A chartered psychologist who specialises in family and child relationships

THIS is a very tricky area and you are right to be cautious. I have seen how social networking sites have caused tremendous problems for adults as well as children, so you do need to be careful. It’s not just the threat of paedophilia that’s a concern, but bullying is also an issue. You need some informed help on this one. I spent a period of time as a school governor and went on a course provided by the local authority. It was fascinating, but also quite disturbing as I wasn’t aware of how easy it is for children to be seduced by sites that seem harmless, but get them to give out personal information. Our children are far more savvy about computers than we will ever be as they have grown up with them. I don’t think that we are always equipped to make informed choices about the sites that are safe and those that are not. Speak to someone who deals with ICT at your daughter’s school. Explain you concerns and ask them for advice. There are sites that are fun for children – those that create virtual worlds, for example, are exciting and harmless. However, sites need to be policed and have security that prevents children from coming to harm.

Cary Cooper

Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at Lancaster University

I can understand your concerns, and they are real. The first thing I would do is to get in touch with the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills, and find out the name and contact details of the body that has been set up to monitor these websites. You obviously need to know which sites your daughter has in mind to join before you do this.

After doing that, I would also advise that you go to the site with your daughter for the first couple of times to see how it operates, and what kinds of communications are being transmitted. Once you have taken these pre-cautions, I would also make sure your daughter understands why you are concerned, so if in the future something unusual occurs on the site, she will tell you about it.

Dr Carol Burniston

Consultant Clinical Child Psychologist

IF I had believed my children when they told me ‘everyone else is doing it’, life would have been very difficult! It must be one of the most frequent pleas in British households and the only way to check is to ask the mums and dads. I have a rather old fashioned view that the best way to build social skills in young people is to be directly sociable, that is, talk to people face to face, meet up in person, talk on the phone, participate in clubs and team sports. I certainly think that at eight years of age I would feel that the young person was not in a position to deal with some of the comments that are made on social networking sites or to be safe in the cyber environment. In my work, I come across many young people on the wrong end of social networking, subject to bullying or even joining in- often unthinkingly or unintentionally with being unkind to another child. It is undeniable that the old-fashioned way is much harder work and more time consuming for adults and children, but there is a safety and transparency in it that isn’t always apparent on the internet. There will be a time when you cannot hold back the changes in society, but eight years of age is too young.

WHERE YOU CAN FIND ADVICE

There are a whole host of places to get help and advice online if you are worried about your child being bullied online or if you just want more information about the internet and how to make it safer for your children to use. Here are a few of the places you could go for help. Many of them also have helplines if your prefer to talk to someone.

• www.parentlineplus.org.uk

• www.cybermentors.org.uk

• www.bullyfreezone.co.uk

• www.childnet-int.org

• www.netrespect.co.uk

• www.getnetwise.org

• www.getsafeonline.org