Interview: A bumpy road but I will fulfil my dreams

Everything seemed possible.

Little could I have predicted that just three years later I would be a mum of two, living on benefits with my dreams consigned to the dustbin, or so I thought.

But in 2005, I had it all.

My predicted grades were good and I planned to fly through my GCSEs and then through university into a highly-paid job doing exactly what I loved. Given a monthly slot in our local community newsletter in Doncaster, followed by work experience at the Yorkshire Post, I was excited about my future.

I was living with my sister, as my mother had moved to London a couple of years before. Mum attempted many times to persuade me and my five siblings to go with her, but we were all content. She agreed not to uproot me from school. I missed her but I knew she was there when I needed her.

I felt that there was something missing. I had never known my dad. All I had been told was that he was called David Stephenson and that he lived in Tickhill. I found his address in the telephone book and wrote him a letter, including a copy of my first newsletter, which had a picture of me.

We arranged to meet in a caf in Doncaster. My two sisters came and sat at a nearby table. After what felt like a lifetime, in he walked. My dad. I knew him straight away and so did my sisters. He looked as nervous as I did, but we chatted without any awkward silences. We both had lots of questions.

We talked about my writing and school, and I felt so proud that for the first time I was sharing it all with my dad, and that he seemed so proud and supportive.

One thing that struck me was that he felt very strongly about education and doing well in life. He said he would do everything he could to help me in my career. But I wanted more than that; I wanted him to be my dad.

Later, I moved into his house at Tickhill and, after my mum happily agreed, changed my name to Stephenson. It was strange looking at my birth certificate and seeing David Stephenson, as opposed to Father Unknown. It gave me a sense of identity and stability, an official document which proved that it was real. Everything was perfect.

But we both soon realised that life was not going to be that simple. Just months later, I discovered I was pregnant. I was still 15. I had made the foolish assumption that something like this would never happen to me. Sex education was not made real enough, only touched upon at school.

After a lot of confusion and worry, I decided that I was going to have my baby, and I realised that everything was about to change, but I had no idea just how much.

When I broke the news to my dad, he was mortified and decided to remove himself from my life. I went to live with my boyfriend and his parents. I was devastated about my dad, but I had to put these feelings to the back of my mind and concentrate on my baby.

My GCSEs were just around the corner and I tried to keep up my grades but there were complications and I had to go to hospital three times a week for blood tests, growth scans and check-ups. I was petrified. My body was changing so much and I was always tired and in pain. When I could make it to school, I was thinking about whether or not my baby was going to be okay.

Thankfully, I delivered my very healthy, beautiful little girl, Taylor Jess, in June 2005, four days after my 16th birthday. And before I knew it, I had failed my exams and was a stay-at-home mummy.

I just sat at home and watched the world pass me by. I started college courses but I never completed anything. My life spiralled into a routineless heap of unhappiness, nappies and night feeds. Most of my friends had jobs, A-levels and lives to live. This was it for me.

Eventually, Taylor's father and I parted, which was for the best, as we were both so young and we had struggled to get along with so much

stress within our relationship.

By 2007, I had met Andrew and, after only a few months, I found out I was pregnant again. But this was different. We were both happy and I gave birth to Ella Mai in January 2008.

At 18, I was a mother of two. It soon hit home that I had thrown my career down the drain and that I now had two children with different fathers, and I was going nowhere and taking them with me.

I felt ashamed of what my life had become. Most people my age were getting loans to go to university and buying cars, while I was on benefits and taking any loans available to pay the bills. I had no idea how to manage my money or budget. The children were always fed and warm, but we never had money in the bank.

A few months after having Ella, I received a letter from my dad. He explained that, if I was willing to get a job and try harder, then he would be willing to help me. I decided to take up his offer.

After more than 400 online applications and no feedback, I started to feel worthless. Eventually, I got a job as a kitchen assistant in a local care home. I had to leave my dreams of being a journalist behind me, but as the days of washing dishes and peeling potatoes passed by, I found myself asking the same question: Is this it? Then I realised there was only one person standing in the way of my dreams, and that was me.

It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and start working towards what I wanted to become.

I found a contact number in my old school planner for the Yorkshire Post and I am back doing work experience. I have found a university journalism course, and I begin an access course at my local college in September to gain the qualifications I need to meet the entry requirements.

My dad is over the moon with my choices and we are now close. Andrew and I recently got engaged. He supports me and we have two adorable little girls. Meanwhile, I still have my care home job and I finally have my ambition back. It's going to be a hard and bumpy journey but I am feeling optimistic about reaching my destination.

Being on benefits was a difficult time for me, my self-esteem was already low and the fact that I couldn't provide for my own children the way that I wanted to was adding to the stress of the whole situation. I knew that our life would never change if I stayed on benefits, I imagined myself years ahead struggling to pay for school trips or even scraping money together for a loaf of bread and this image of our future really scared me.

I realised that the first thing I had to do was get a job and start

earning my own money, which turned out to be a lot harder than I had thought. I felt like there was not enough help in place to support people like myself who were trying to get back into work. I really struggled and at times I felt like getting a job was almost

impossible.

I think that the Government doing more to help people come off benefits and into work is a brilliant idea. Since having a job I feel like my whole life has changed for the better. I feel a lot more positive about everything, including my family's future and my career. But unemployed people need a real incentive to get a job and, more importantly, they need enough help and support to actually get them into employment.