My view: Catherine Scott

TO obey or not to obey that is the question.

Nearly a third of British people believe that Kate Middleton should follow in the footsteps of Diana, Princess of Wales, and omit the word “obey” from her wedding vows, according to a new poll.

Thirty per cent of people think Miss Middleton should not say the word when she marries Prince William on April 29, according a survey conducted by the satellite TV service Freesat.

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However, 25 per cent of the 1,330 people questioned think she should mimic The Queen, Princess Margaret and Princess Anne and say she will obey her husband.

When I married my husband a year ago I was in the Princess Diana brigade. While I was happy and proud to stand before family and friends in what was quite traditional church service I was offered the option of ditching “obey” by our vicar.

Most of my friends before and since have gone for what some may see as the more modern vow.

In a day when we are striving for equal rights with men, it seemed at odds with my way of thinking to suddenly say I was going obey my husband. I was more than happy to love and honour and even cherish him, but obey was a step too far.

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I also remember attending the wedding of another friend and the audible intake of breathe from her female friends when she uttered the O word. These are vows which harp back to another era. Society has moved on and in my view so should the Church.

It would have in some way been easier to stick with tradition and leave obey in the vows, but I had taken the time to think about what I was saying before standing in front of my assembled loved ones and saying the words.

It was a testimony of our love and respect of each other and our pledge to keep those vows.

To say that I would obey my husband in 2001 would have sounded very hollow to me and to my family and friends and therefore cast a shadow on the other vows.

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Archbishop Rowan Williams, who will marry the couple at Westminster Abbey, has discussed the vows with them and has given a clue about his advice.

Guidelines published by the Archbishops’ Council and backed by its president, Dr Williams, warned that a wife promising to “obey” her husband – but not vice versa – is an archaic notion and could even be used to justify domestic violence.

As for Kate Middleton it is a very personal decision and one that I hope she and Prince William are allowed to make themselves.

This is a 21st century couple who are trying to create a 21st century monarchy where obeying one’s equals has no part to play.