Andrew Vine: One day it could be you or me who is in need of the kindness of strangers

IN Bridlington the other day, as dusk brought a shower sweeping in over the harbour that turned the pavements slick, an elderly lady out walking her small curly-haired dog missed her footing at the kerb and went sprawling into the road.
Even in the North people are wry of strangers.Even in the North people are wry of strangers.
Even in the North people are wry of strangers.

Happily, the only injuries were to her dignity, and as a few people who happened to be passing by helped her up, untangled the dog’s lead from around her arm and gathered the bits and pieces that had spilled out of her handbag when it went flying, it was noticeable that there were perhaps twice as many other people nearby who did precisely nothing, other than to gawp and point.

She was shaken, a little tearful, and plainly grateful for the offer by a couple who treated her with notable kindness to walk her back to her nearby home. As they set off, the gentleman offering her his arm, which she took, the gawpers watched them go and then went on their way, the rainy evening doubtlessly enlivened by somebody else’s misfortune.

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I wonder if those who stood and watched as a lady easily into her upper 70s, winded and momentarily disorientated as she flailed to get up, upset by the yelping of her little dog, which she’d involuntarily dragged down with her, reflected later that they might have offered to help. Or, indeed, wondered if somebody would come to their aid if they had fallen.

For the people who just watched were, by and large, not so very distant in age from the lady who fell. Those whom one would expect to be most sympathetic, and understanding of how upsetting and frightening falling was for her, did nothing. The couple who did most to calm and reassure her, before walking her home, on the other hand, were young enough to be her grandchildren.

Which just goes to show that ironbound clichés about the young lacking this, and the older embodying virtues of that, are, often enough, just so much tosh. Common decency doesn’t require any age qualification.

But Good Samaritans of whatever age, always rare, are becoming ever scarcer in a jumpy, nervous populace that either gawps and points, or averts its eyes and hurries past on the other side of the road, rather than becoming involved.

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The little drama on a wet evening in Bridlington bears out a rather gloomy survey of the past few days that suggests our capacity for kindness to strangers is dwindling.

A company set out to gauge how prepared we are to help others by employing a couple of actors – one male, one female – to sit on benches in a busy park and feign being upset, appearing to be in tears. Hidden cameras caught 624 people noticing either the man or woman, but of those, only 56 paused to ask what the matter was, and if they could help.

In other words, 91 per cent looked the other way and hurried by. Now there’s nothing scientific or conclusive about such a survey, but it nevertheless has the ring of truth.

It’s understandable in its way. People are nervous about getting involved these days because they are scared of being drawn into the unpredictable, worried that the stranger behaving erratically or emotionally is driven by drugs or drink, frightened that somebody apparently in distress might turn violent.

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Here in the North, thankfully, we haven’t yet turned the studious avoidance of strangers into the fetish it has become, for example, in London, where the Tube offers a daily masterclass in not making eye contact. We still have the inclination to pass the time of day with other people in shops, or smile at those we meet at the bus stop, and long may that continue.

But our instinct for friendly engagement is underpinned by a touch of wariness. The tendency to walk on by, not risk becoming involved, to leave somebody else to offer a helping hand seems increasingly to be the default setting of most people in the face of small, everyday crises, whether it be seeing a panicky child in tears because it has lost sight of its parent, somebody struggling to change a tyre or an elderly person losing their footing.

We’re the poorer for that, a little diminished as a society. I suspect also that those who avert their eyes and hurry past are a little ashamed of themselves for not listening to their instinct and going across to ask if they can help.

Because the overwhelming likelihood is that somebody who needs a hand up, or a word or two of support isn’t a maniac full of drink or high on drugs, but somebody exactly like the rest of us, who just so happens to be having a rotten day.

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Let’s not walk on the other side of the road. Let’s buck the trend of the survey and be Good Samaritans. We’ll be the better for it. And after all, one day it could be any of the rest of us who needs the kindness of strangers to help us up after slipping on a wet pavement.