Bernard Ingham: The parties failed us and even the voters lost their rag

The first failure is Labour's. The comprehensive mess it has made of running the country after coming to office, uniquely since World War Two, with a golden economic legacy is a real tragedy.

We desperately need competent political parties. Labour's failure is all the greater for corrupting the body politic with spin, systematic lying and deceit.

In soccer parlance, Labour is a classic example of where bent

management has landed a club in administration, with a crippling loss of points, relegation and ignominy.

The next monumental failure is that of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition – the Conservatives. Even allowing for the celtic bias towards Labour in the system, it failed to nail outright the worst British government in living memory and conceivably of all time.

Again, translating it into soccer speak, the Tories missed an open goal. Their strikers, if they deserve such a label, couldn't hit a barn door at five yards. Goal shy, the lot of 'em.

The third failure is the Liberal Democrats'. Presented with the gift of equal exposure in a national TV "debate", they failed to convert overnight popularity into seats. Indeed, they lost some. Like a rank outsider in an FA Cup run, they flattered to deceive.

Which brings me to the final, abject failure: the voters'. Justifiably angry over the excesses of MPs with their snouts in the public trough, they lost their rag. They thrashed around and succeeded not only in punishing every one of the parties, with the notable exception of the silly Greens in Brighton – where else? – but also themselves.

They left a dangerous vacuum of uncertainty in the money markets for which we have already been punished by the fall in sterling and share prices. To return to soccer parlance, the fans failed to keep their eye on the ball. They lost the cohesive purpose they demand on the pitch.

Three good things have so far come out of this debacle.

We have seen the sordid face of proportional representation (PR) and all the squalid manoeuvring it entails behind a hypocritical smokescreen of serving the national interest. If – as I doubt – this sort of "electoral reform" is forced upon us, we shall truly deserve the governments we get and the international irrelevance it produces.

The second good thing is that Gordon Brown is on his way. Nothing more became the man than the shabby manner of his enforced departure. In some ways I feel sorry for this poor, deluded anti-Conservative bigot in the clutches of three such political thugs as Lord Mandelson,

Alastair Campbell and Ed Balls.

Like Edward Heath, Brown remains the last to be convinced of his own infallibility, indispensability to the nation and historical significance. Shorn of power, I fear he will beat Heath's record for the longest sulk in history. His penchant for throwing things will domestically be expensive but useful to economic recovery in

stimulating retail sales.

The third benefit of the lust for office is that we know a lot more about Nick Clegg's concept of honour and his ruthless opportunism in pursuit of PR as a meal ticket for life.

As we become poorer by the day, we shall have to settle for temporary political instability.

Anyone who thought that a cement had been invented to hold together a treacherous and arithmetically very fragile Labour/Liberal Democrat coalition urgently needed to consult a psychiatrist. Not even the vested interest of the Nationalists and Greens in supporting it to

obtain PR could sustain such a rag bag for long.

A Conservative/Liberal Democrat coalition, which is what we are now getting, arithmetically offers the prospect of some stability. The pressure of the markets will help, for a time, to keep it functioning. But trust must be minimal after Clegg's dirty dealing with Labour behind the Tories' back, and there is no love lost on either side.

As a party, the Liberal Democrats have more in common with Labour and their – or Nick Clegg's – views on Europe, Trident, immigration and energy are regarded as crackpot by discerning Tories.

Don't expect anything much – still less the earth – for long.

Let's be honest, the next election is already under way. When it comes, we must not fluff the chance of promotion from the League of Financial Insolvency and Political Bankruptcy into which we have been cast and give a new manager a five year contract to renew us body and soul.