Gervase Phinn: Taking flight, taking fright

The flight out was calm and comfortable. Then I flew north in a small eight-seater aircraft – and thought my end had come.

Below me was a vast snow-covered mountainous land, and as the plane went noisily up and down like a fiddler's elbow, I tried not to imagine what would be my fate should the engines fail.

Then we hit a snowstorm. The aircraft veered and rose, plunged and plummeted. I clung to my seat. The passenger sitting next to me blithely continued with his crossword; the man opposite seemed asleep.

I was sitting directly behind the pilot and could see the hairs on the back of his neck and all the dials on the control panel. Before him, through the windscreen, was a great white mass of swirling snow. My stomach did kangaroo jumps.

"We're nearly there," said my neighbour, patting my arm. "I do this trip every month. This is not nearly as bad as it can get."

"Really," I managed to mouth.

"I'm going to try a landing," announced the pilot, zooming downwards. I closed my eyes. After three attempts he made it and I tottered from the plane saying a silent prayer for my safe delivery.

"Have a nice day," said my fellow passenger, smiling.

Since that time, I have been somewhat nervous of flying. Although I am assured by a friend, who is a pilot, that there is more chance of getting knocked down in the high street by a runaway horse than coming to grief in an aeroplane, I still have a tingle of fear when boarding and I listen intently when the air steward goes though the safety procedure.

My friend, the pilot, has never had any sort of emergency in the

air but he does tell the story (I can't vouch for its veracity) of

the one incident which did cause some concern among the passengers.

I shall let him take up the tale.

"I was flying back from Tokyo. The flight was full so I had to hitch a ride up front with the captain and first officer, sitting on a small seat behind the pilot.

"The air stewardess came in with a cup of coffee for me just as the captain announced to the passengers, over the intercom, that we would be experiencing a bit of turbulence and asking everyone to return to their seats and fasten their safety belts.

"The plane suddenly lifted, and the red hot coffee the air stewardess was holding went up in air and ended up on my lap.

"I let out the most deafening scream which was heard by the terrified passengers who proceeded to put their heads between their legs and wait for the oxygen masks to descend.

"The captain quickly informed the passengers that there was no need to worry and explained the situation adding: 'And you should see the front of my colleague's trousers.'

"One of the passengers was heard to say, weakly: 'And you should see the back of mine!'"

YP MAG 18/9/10