GP Taylor: The Bravehearts can go it alone... and start paying their own bills

The trouble is that I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with Scotland. I love the people – I married one of them – I adore the countryside, but I hate the xenophobic arrogance that is pervading their politics.

I have to say that I did rub my hands with glee when I heard that Alex Salmond, leader of the SNP, would try for a referendum on leaving the Union.

Like so many English people, I relish the idea of Scotland being a separate country. It will be quite nice to go on holiday and get stopped by the border patrol on the A68 and show my passport. My wife will be allowed through the green channel and I will have to queue at immigration.

The idea of Scotland leaving us and going alone is very appealing. The prospect of not having to financially support their educational and health services that give out free prescriptions and free university places seems very fair.

Nor will we ever again have to suffer having a Scot as Prime Minister. Our Parliament will be rid of all those whingeing Labour MPs from north of the Border, most of whom are very well balanced because they appear to have a chip on both shoulders.

That would mean that for years to come we would never have a Labour Government. If I were David Cameron, I would be giving them independence now.

It is deeply unfair that one country can have its own legislative chamber and still be represented in another. Just think of the savings when we send all those expense-grabbing politicians back to Glasgow.

It would be better for us all if Scotland actually had its own currency – preferably the euro. Then they could pay us back for bailing out their Royal Bank and really call the Mickey Mouse money they use legal tender.

It has always puzzled me that if Scotland is such a wonderful place, then why do so many people born there come and work down here?

How could they want to get away from the lovely weather, music, the midges, wonderful culinary offerings, amazing poetry and the comedian Frankie Boyle?

We are indebted for Scotland giving us ginger people, deep- fried Mars Bars and the great liberal religious leader John Knox, known as the man who banned Christmas who is most probably spinning in his grave.

After all, the bagpipe is such a pleasant instrument. I would scoff at those who say that listening to it gives them the desire to shove the thing up the kilt of the person playing it.

Where would we be without the Haggis and the uttering of Robbie Burns and his timorous beastie? It is obvious the he had drank far too much Buckfast Tonic for his own good to come out with stuff like that.

On separation, Billy Connolly could be made King of Scotland – he appears to be one of the few high profile Scots that speaks sense.

At last we could all be honest about our intense sporting rivalry. Andy Murray would be Scottish again and Murrayfield could become the battleground where the Scots’ long-standing distaste for the English could be fought out.

It is only right and proper that Scotland should be allowed to go it alone.

For too long, we have propped up their socialist spend, spend, spend economy with hard earned English cash.

The slow to tax, quick to spend politics of those embedded in the banana republic of Holyrood is not the type of government we need to be associated with in such difficult times.

The over-reliance on North Sea Oil would not see them through the difficult financial years ahead. It would be then and only then that they all might realise north of the border that for a few hundred years they had been on to a good thing.

Whatever the future for Scotland, I would wish it well. There is something about the people who inhabit the land that I have to admire.

Without them, our country would surely be a poorer place, but like the First World War, they are lions led by donkeys. Political donkeys with their own selfish agendas who do not realise the clear and present danger of breaking up the nations of this island home we all share.