How can I be a godparent when I’m no role model?

Dear Alex, my old college friend has asked me to be godparent to her newborn. As flattered as I am, I really don’t want to say yes, for many reasons but the main one being I’m pretty incapable of looking after myself! I’ve never had a steady job, I can’t seem to keep a relationship going over six months and I’m quite selfish. How can I let them down gently?
By The Newsroom
Published 28th Mar 2012, 21:21 BST

Being asked to be a godparent is truly an honour. One that should not be taken lightly. For someone to go through their list of friends and family and decide that you are their best choice is a sign of their affection and respect, and so to turn them down may be seen as a total rejection and perhaps the end of the friendship.

Friendships are precious things. The friends we choose are our chosen family. They, like family, support us and love us no matter what. They rarely judge and always are there for us when we’ve messed up or have given up. Yes, friends make the world go around.

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Keeping alive a friendship that you treasure means, as with any relationship worth having, you need to make contributions in the form of dedicated time, thought and energy so that the connection can thrive.

Few things can survive a huge rejection. No-one can really come back from making one and expect things to ever be the same again. When you’ve said no, no matter how polite and humble you are about it, you do risk offending your dear friend making her feel unworthy and, worst still, her child.

Whatever you fear about taking on the responsibility should be looked at carefully. Is it simply a case of being sweetly hopeless, or do you really fear being unworthy? Or is it the horror of becoming a surrogate parent that paralyses you or perhaps the thought of having someone else change and impose upon your life because of their circumstances?

Being a godparent is a serious undertaking, so if you feel strongly about declining the offer just be aware of the consequences. You must also consider what a delight the role can be in your life too. To be treated as someone extra special in someone else’s family. To be entrusted with the privilege of helping to bring up this child with or without the parents.

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In reality, godparents rarely do take over childcare duties should something happen to the parents, usually a family member will. But it may happen, and so ask yourself what needs to happen for you to say yes? Similarly, think about living with a “no”. What really is the best option for you?

Alexandra Watson is a leading Happiness Coach and author. www. Alexandra Watson. com