Ian McMillan: Have I ever told you where I come from?

I didn’t believe him, but then I thought back and realised that I had. I’d done it twice. Tony is from Lancashire and he reckons you can always spot a Yorkshireman or Yorkshirewoman because within 10 seconds of meeting somebody they’ll always announce that they’re from Yorkshire, and that morning I’d already made the announcement to a chap in a shop and a lady in a café. Tony finds it amusing, in his Lancashire way, but I simply find it comforting and heartwarming. Of course that’s because I’m from Yorkshire. Have I mentioned that already? It’s true, though, when you think about it. Listen in to any conversation between strangers from different parts of the country, at a party or a business meeting or on a platform waiting for a delayed train. After the initial hubbub has died down, you’ll hear a strident voice saying “Well, I’m from Yorkshire, me!” or “Speaking as somebody from Yorkshire” or “Us Yorkshire folk think that…”. And, as I pointed out to Tony, there’s nothing to stop people from Staffordshire or Cumbria or Avon saying “I’m from Staffordshire, me!” or “Speaking as a denizen of the invented county of Avon…” but they don’t do it. Nobody has ever told me, within minutes of first shaking hands, that they’re from Devon or Lincolnshire. I’m often accused of being a Professional Yorkshireman, whatever that means, but as I’ve said before I’d rather be a Professional Yorkshireman than an amateur Northamptonshireman. Because I’m from Yorkshire – not sure if I’ve told you that – I think we do it because, like Americans, we’re proud of our identity and, after all, what is America but Yorkshire with cacti and light switches that go up not down? Both have plenty of space, friendly people and lots of outlets to buy chips. Americans always give you the exact geographical location of their birthplace: “Howdy, I’m from Little Rock, Arkansas!”, the transatlantic equivalent of “Now then: I’m from Yorkshire, tha knows!” Tony reckons it’s insecurity but he’s from Lancashire so what would he know? All they do there is go to the foot of their stairs at every opportunity. Of course just like Americans, Yorkshire folk narrow down their allegiances. I remember once when Barnsley played Huddersfield at Oakwell there was a dilemma amongst the red or blue-hued supporters. Normally we shout “Yorkshire! Yorkshire!” but that afternoon we were confused. We shouted “Yorkshire!” at them and they shouted “Yorkshire!” at us. A silence ensued. Then somebody in a Barnsley stand began to chant “South Yorkshire! South Yorkshire!”. The Huddersfield fans responded with “West Yorkshire! West Yorkshire!” and harmony was restored to the world of Tyke Boasting. Well, you’ve got to know exactly where you come from as the world changes and identity shifts like sand in a breeze, because I’m from Yorkshire, me. Have I told you that already?