Ian McMillan: A time in the life of this man when ...
When I’ve reordered the day I’ll do the seasons; I’ll Yorkshire them up, because I’m bored with spring, summer, autumn and winter. I’ll rename the seasons, for obvious reasons: “Brightening Up”; “By, It’s Warm”; “Where’s My Scarf?”; and “I’m Frozzen”. Slip off the tongue, don’t they? In a Yorkshire kind of way.
Let’s call Sunday “Puddings For Starters” and Monday “Alarm’s Gone Off” and Tuesday “Nowt on’t Box” and Wednesday “Halfway Through”and Thursday “Tekkaway Delivered”’ and Friday “Hooam Early” and Saturday “Guin Art”. Once you start with this Time-Tykeing you can’t stop. Significant dates in the calendar can be played to a White Rose tune. Christmas Day can be “I Hope I Don’t Get Socks Again Day” and Boxing Day could be ‘“Turkey Sarnies Piled High on a Plate Day”. Valentine’s Day will be “Flowers From’t Garage For Our Lass Day” and Mother’s Day will be “Tekkin Mam Art to a Carvery When She’d Rather Stop In’t House and Watch Telly Day”.
I’ve got all my ideas written down. I’ll get them presentable and then I’ll go and see a calendar company and a clock firm. Well, it passes the time.