Jayne Dowle: It's time for the Tories to take a long hard look at the realities of family life

I'M a mother with two children, aged seven and four. I'm married. I work. I have parents in their 60s who help with childcare. My children attend state school, and we pay extra for pre-school and after-school sessions.

If there is such a thing, we are probably a typical British family. So what can David Cameron do for me if he becomes Prime Minister?

Excuse me for being cynical, but I wonder if he can do anything at all. Apart from Child Benefit, we receive no financial help from the state to bring up Jack and Lizzie. It has been like this for so long that we're not expecting anything. In fact, we don't want it, because as soon as we get it, we're likely to lose it again.

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Being self-employed, our household income fluctuates from year to year. This sent the Child Tax Credits department into such a spin that we're still paying back an "overpayment" of 150 at 12 a month. So, for a start, please promise not to give us cash with one hand, and take it back with another. It drives us mad, and makes nonsense of any kind of family budget.

Being self-employed though, I will set Mr Cameron this challenge. When I had Jack, I had a job with a newspaper, and enjoyed six months' maternity leave on full-pay. When I had Lizzie, I had started working for myself,and had no maternity leave at all, except for a payment of about 400 accrued from my part-time lecturing job.

One week after the Caesarean section, I was back at my desk. I had no choice. It was either that or default on the mortgage. My friend, who owns a dance school, has two children' too, and went back to work within a fortnight of giving birth.

So on behalf of me, my friend and the thousands of women like us who are being encouraged to develop our entrepreneurial skills, especially to help bring about economic regeneration in our region, I'd like to ask Mr Cameron if he has any plans to pay us maternity leave?

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We pay our tax, we pay our national insurance, we don't put our employers' noses out of joint when we ask for a few months off to look after our babies, but what do we get? Nothing. If he can sort that one out, then I will be very impressed.

Don't try to distract us with grand promises about paternity leave. We didn't get any of that either in our house. And frankly, unless you can make it really financially worthwhile, paternity leave is a bit of political white elephant.

It is fine if employers – and there are precious few of them – are happy to pitch in and make any payment up to normal salary level. But unless you have savings to fall back on to cover the bills, for most fathers, taking this kind of leave is far too much of a financial risk.

Now, talking about risks, I really don't like all this political interference into the state of marriage. It is a huge risk for David Cameron. If I were him, I would be very careful. Married parents bringing up children together are all very well if you are lucky enough – like Mr Cameron – to have a happy marriage.

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The reality for many people, however, is very far from this ideal. Creating a family policy which rewards the married state with tax benefits is tantamount to bribery. The recession means that there are enough miserable people stuck in damaging marriages who can't afford to divorce, without making it worse.

I know it's all about giving children security, but what is the point in forcing parents to go through a sham marriage, or stay in an unhappy marriage, purely for a financial incentive? Would you want your children to grow up knowing that mummy and daddy had only stayed married for the money? And what kind of message does this send to the thousands of couples who choose not to wed, but live together for years and raise children in the most stable of unmarried relationships?

Instead of trying to turn the clock back to some mythical time of happy families, I would like to see a bold approach to seeing the family as a whole. That means recognising the role of grandparents, and other

family members who look after children so their parents can go out to work.

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If there is money to reward married couples financially, then could it be diverted into recognising the long, hard hours many people put in to deliver childcare, often sacrificing their own careers and earning potential to do it?

Whether it is disenchantment with Gordon Brown, disappointment over the economy or sheer longing for change, I can see many of my friends considering voting Conservative for the very first time this coming General Election.

But it is important that Mr Cameron remembers that we've been conned before. This time, we're wise. And we will be asking a lot more questions – and demanding answers – before he gets the keys to Number 10.