Jayne Dowle: Take time to switch off from life’s complications

Take my recent last-minute mission to assemble costumes for Children in Need day. Hunting under the bed for super-hero masks. Fashioning a cape out of a sari (don’t ask). Scrabbling round for the precise change so they could make the requisite donation. When lifestyle experts share with us their lofty opinions on “work/life balance”, they never seem to factor in the matter of why there are never any 50 pence pieces in the house.

This kind of thing might sound trivial but it all adds up. By 11pm, I am spent, wondering where another day went and why the ironing pile is still no smaller. I was interested then to read a new survey which reports that two-thirds of us are not getting enough time to ourselves. This is leading to stress, tiredness and even depression. Not to mention the fact that many serious health conditions, from heart problems to cancer to arthritis, are being made worse by this constant pressure.

Dealing with the demands of children, household chores and “personal admin” all crave our attention, eroding the time we have to ourselves. I have been known to pull up the car on the drive and sit in it for five minutes in silence, just so I can think. At these moments, I often find myself muttering the words of Welsh poet W H Davies: “What is this life if, full of care. We have no time to stand and stare.” It’s from his poem, Leisure, and he wrote it in 1911. If he thought life was getting a bit hectic back then, what would he make of today?

As soon as I open the front door, the dog will bark, the washing machine will beep, the phone will ring and the whole crazy fairground ride will start up again, whirling me along with it. I used to think work/life balance was a self-indulgent ideal dreamt up by those with too much time on their hands. I considered “me-time” a ridiculous notion involving sitting around in a health spa. Now, as I get older, I can see the sense in attempting to even things out.

The problem is that life is just becoming more and more complicated around us and it is increasingly down to us to sort it. It’s that constant need to keep ahead of the game. Stress? We would have a lot less of it if we weren’t in constant danger of large organisations messing up our affairs or ripping us off. I gave a wry smile when I heard that the NHS is launching expensive new apps so we can check our own medical records. Do we really need this responsibility on top of everything else? Already this year, I’ve had my head fried with such “personal admin”: transferring my car tax to the new format, dumping my home insurers because my old company upped my premiums by a third, swapping my bank account in search of decent customer service, finding a new credit card for a better rate, changing my car insurance… I could go on but just listing them is sending my blood pressure up.

The psychologist Linda Papadopoulos, who collaborated on the research, says that 20 hours a week to please ourselves is optimum for mental balance. By my rough calculation that is three hours every day. The only way I am going to find three hours to myself every day is if I get up at three in the morning each day. My mother tells me to do less. However, I know from bitter experience that if I did, life would descend into chaos faster than society crumbles after the bomb is dropped in an apocalyptic movie.

Seriously though, although this research was done on spurious grounds for a dating website, it brings a clear message for us all. We need to address how we live our lives, scale down the commitments and learn to take a break to avoid burn-out. We get no medals for soldiering on. And the more complicated modern life becomes, the more important it is to switch off from it. I’m making a vow then. I know I won’t manage three hours a day unless the children leave home, the dog runs away, the cat gets stuck up a tree permanently and a personal assistant magically turns up on my doorstep.

In this, I will never be a shining example of “work/life balance”. However, I suggest you take my advice, and find a way to take some time out this week. And remember, if you don’t do it for yourself, no-one will do it for you.