Modern Dilemmas: Key steps for winning respect and painlessly managing conflict

WHETHER in our career, business, or personal life, we’ve all encountered situations where someone is being, well, let’s say, unpleasant. They are trying to push you to do something you don’t want to do, they are questioning your work, they are dismissing your opinion, or they are exhibiting some other wonderful behaviour. When it happens you need to decide to do something about it. Here are my steps to taking a stand that every one can do:
By The Newsroom
Published 5th Sep 2013, 10:05 BST

Trust your inner voice that says something’s not right. If something feels wrong about a situation or person at work, it probably is. The first step to effectively managing conflict is to believe that there’s a problem. Usually we tend to deny or minimise a problem instead we should accept that there is one.

See the situation for what it is. After you’ve accepted that a problem exists, back off from your frustration for the moment and use your head to paint as complete a picture as possible. Who are all the players or people involved? What are the facts of the situation What underlying
dynamics do you also see going on? Try to be as objective as possible at this point. It’s easy to get emotionally swept up and thrown off as you think through this. Resist that as much as possible.

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Decide what you want. In almost all the conflicts, there is usually some aspect that attacks our sense of self-worth. Standing up for yourself first means you internally reject negative, critical messages from others as true,
and believe that you are a
person worth being treated with respect.
 Now that you’re clear about being treated with respect, what do you want to be different in this situation? Is there a behaviour you want the other person to demonstrate? Is there a decision or result you want in your favour? Be as specific as possible, because when you are, you’re more likely to get it.

Decide how you’re going to interact. Determine what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. Start with a statement of your main point, pause, and then add backup information of what you mean and why you feel the way you do.
 If you’re writing an e-mail or letter, write it once, then put it aside and read it again later. Is it clear? Is it too long? No need to over explain.

Expect some push back and then respond. Once you’ve determined what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it, anticipate the response.
If you’re addressing one person, come up with at least two ways he or she may respond.
How will you reply? If it’s a small
group, consider at least one response for each person.


Twitter @happiness coach

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