Modern Dilemmas: Paralysed by fear over big decision that could have dire consequences

Dear Alex, I have a big decision to make that is causing me stress because it could have a really bad outcome potentially and I feel utterly stuck. I can’t seem to see a way forward, I’m not usually like this and I feel really anxious. Can you help?

Fretting over a decision can cause temporary paralysis and stop you moving forward. You’re becoming caged by your fears which stop you from thinking straight. Here are my tips:

Imagine the worst case. Make yourself go to that bad place, emotionally and psychologically. Write it out and share with someone you trust the absolute worst thing that could happen. In detail. Paint the complete picture with all the events, people and your feelings. From your cosy chair, experience as much as possible what the worst case would feel like.

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Ask yourself “What would I do if the worse case happened?” What actions would you take? What would you say and to whom? How might they react? How would you respond to them? If you can answer these kinds of questions, then you can handle it. It may not be fun, it may not be pretty, but you can handle it. Give yourself some credit. Chances are you have dealt with an intense situation before.

Ask yourself “What’s the likelihood of the worst case happening?” Most of the time, we paint the most horrible picture, and then it doesn’t materialise. Our imagination can run wild plus the fact that we often build into one decision or dilemma a whole load of emotions and baggage from a previous one. That’s when we can really get stuck.

Now you’ve processed internally what could happen and you’ve thought of a way through it, then you are ready to make your decision and go for it! By making any decision you are, by definition, unstuck. You are in motion one way or another. And even science reveals that when an object is in motion it has more energy and can change direction more easily, so no decision has to be final as you can always adapt as you go.

You can use these steps for any issue you may have whether it’s a positive or negative one because what you’re actually doing here is using what I call “mental rehearsal”. This is the process of using your mind’s eye to project the future under different circumstances. You can run it whichever way you like and prepare yourself for a challenging situation which helps you to 
handle it and to trust yourself more. Overall, know that most things in life that seem overwhelming at first can easily be cut down to size when you take things one step at a time and use this technique.

Twitter @happiness coach

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