Modern Dilemmas: Points to factor in if you want to build up your self-confidence

Self-confidence is influenced by several factors. And when you know what they are you can use them to help you build more confidence. Here are my tips.

Self-esteem. In a general way, self-confidence is influenced by self-esteem. Feelings of worthlessness (low self-esteem) will have a limiting effect on overall self-confidence. However, you can still experience high levels of self-confidence in specific areas in which you excel. On the other hand, a healthy self- esteem makes it much easier to feel confident about your abilities in all areas of life.

Past results. If we have a record of producing our intended result in any area, we will be inclined to feel confident in our ability to duplicate that success. However, if we have tried and failed repeatedly, it will be difficult to feel confident in our ability to succeed. So, confidence tends to grow or shrink based on the results we produce.

External feedback. When the people around you, especially those you respect, express confidence in your abilities it really boosts your self-confidence. The same thing can happen when you see a peer, or even someone less qualified, accomplish something you want to do. This can create an attitude of: “If they can do it, I can do it.”

Body language. You may be thinking that your body language only affects the way other people perceive you, but there is actually more to it. Your body language, including your posture, gestures, facial expressions, gait and attentiveness, all send powerful signals to your own nervous system. If your body is sending signals to your nervous system that correspond to personal confidence, your attitude will adjust to harmonise with those signals.

Speech. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. There is a huge difference in the speech of those with exceptional confidence when compared with those plagued with self-doubt. The way you talk has a direct influence on your level of self-confidence.

Self talk. This is those silent conversations we have with ourselves. The way we use self talk can build up our self- confidence or to tear it apart

Expectation. Whether or not we feel confident about our own abilities is directly influenced by the expectations we put on ourselves. If we expect to excel at some extremely difficult task the first time we try it, we could be setting ourselves up for failure. Do this too often and your confidence will take a beating. If we have more reasonable expectations and experience success, our confidence will grow. This is an area where balance is vital.

Twitter @happiness coach